mary jean

A long come-back?

2007-12-29T13:41:00.001+08:00

Yes, this is a new post after the long break from blogging.
Apparent as it may seem not, i have been privately blogging at some other site.
But it also discontinue due to my time at work.
I couldn't even go online to chat with my friends much.
Also, shenath and i use more of mobile conversations and kind of moved away from messenger.
For the last two weeks i only came online for lets say 2-3 times for 30mins MAX!
The two week work at Takashimaya held me away from the laptop and also from proper sleep.
And now, I'm here blogging.

Christmas Day has just passed and now we are in the 4th Day of Christmas.
Does everyone know that Christmas has 12 days? I hope you people do :)
Okay so i spent Christmas Eve with THE friends, THE family and THE boyfriend.
We had some exchange gift sessions and it was quite fun.
Adding to that was the hilarity of the sisters getting together and creating such unforgivable havoc.
We got all noisy and created some earthquakes with either one of us having to keep falling off the places we were standing! =)
And it was all due to camwhoring! more smiles for me and the girls.
The boyfriends - My Shenath and Jaja's Wan - were just laughing their heads away.
Also, they were our camera men. LOL

Okay, so i spent the whole Christmas Midmorning, Morning, Noon, Afternoon, Evening and Night, with no other than my darling Shenath.
It was a very nice feeling.
I never spent this special day with my special someone before.
Well, i dont remember how i spent my Christmas last year.
But whatever it was, it wasn't as fun and wonderful as this year's.

So on the first day of Christmas, me and Shenath went to Churches - St Andrew's Cathedral and Good Shepherd Church or something - Christian and Catholic Church,
to accomodate to each other =) Shenath's not Catholic see.
But i went to the Cathedral because i've always like that church.
Well, anyway after the whole day out, i finally bought something for Shenath and for myself.
I got myself a U.S. Polo Wallet Gold Colored. I dont know why, but it seems i like Gold-related
colors - browns, gold, and more browns and golds. haha
I got Shenath a MYUK lappy bag from The wallet shop.
Spent a lot of my cash on that one day only. Shen was nagging... LOL

Anyway, so i didn't come home for around 24 hrs. and mum didn't minded =)
phew!
well anyway, the other day went shopping with mum for my Shoes and shoebag.
The next day, which is yesterday, shen and i went to shop again.

This time we got my Bag at Converse, and more stuff.
Im happy he also got something for himself at Canterbury.
I don't like shopping for my things alone. haha
After the whole day of shopping, we went to this Strummers bar at town.
Very nice filipino bar actually.
Very nice and homely. The liveband was wonderful! =)
We drank whiskey coke. The mixture was damn strong! haha
Later on, we went to Youth Park there after getting Corona Beer at 7-11.
We chatted about everything. We had some nice conversations about everything!
About us, about other people, about things here and there...
I think i've never communicated this well with any of my boyfriends before.
Im just glad im very happy just as he is.

I end this entry off with the best things that happen to me for the year 2007.
1. I got into a Poly course and MUM got pregnant!
2. I got Business Computing and not Biotechnology
3. Ive currently still have my 2007 new year resolution carried out.
4. Ive moved on from an old flame from the prehistory.
5. I met SHENATH THOMAS DIAS - the most important one
6. IM IN LOVE WITH SHENATH THOMAS DIAS and i gave him 'the key' to my heart.
7. ISAAC is born!!!
8. I have a wonderful Christmas Day with the most important people in my life.
9. Im looking forward to more months, years, decades and millennium with Shenath Thomas Dias

Paused/Close

2007-12-03T11:40:00.000+08:00

i deleted whatever post had said that I'm away.
i realize that i just need a new set of blog.
im planning to close this down... bored
this blog however, will be kept archived.
i will have to say thank you for those people who are ardent readers of this blog.
I will keep you all updated if i open another blog.
I will keep this as archive for my own reference also =)

why close?
1. i have no much time
2. tired of typing away
3. i just want a quiet life
4. i need more privacy
5. basically, im just bored... when im in the mood again, i will come back =) duh!

she likes... love and affection

2007-11-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

Today,
she likes the fact that nothing is happening
she likes the fact that nothing is up and destroying her peace,
despite the boredom, she lay low and she kept to herself...
deep in thoughts about her life and her ultimate new love;

fresh new little things called love and affection,
like new sweets from the candy man
she likes the fact that everything seems a fantasy yet it is very much real...
deep down she know everything is real when it comes to him and her

she secretly longs for his presence and his warmth
in the cold cold day she wanted him around
but alas it has to delay, to yet another day...
she is patience because she knows her love is waiting for her

she made some words of love in her head
yet nothing seems to come out when they talk
she keeps to herself afraid to say things that seems to much...
now she fears that she's too deep in

she loves him and he loves her
that is what matters and that is what is suppose to be
reciprocal love and affection feels so wholesome and she likes it... very much
and she knows she'll be good and stay true to this new thing called love

& no this is not a poem

& i love you shenath thomas dias
thank you for showing me how loving really is...

UPDATES

2007-11-17T15:47:00.000+08:00

i was cursing an swearing just awhile ago and now im finally in BLOGGER!
i think i typed in my google account address and the final correct password and it rejected me.
then i have to refresh the url and all those and finally, with a last growl, im in and typing away.

photobucket bulk upload is a wonder.
of course with proper connection speed, otherwise, it will just kick the bucket.
i've uploaded 77 of the overdue pictures that u blogders will be seeing =)

but before that happens, i would like to just 'briefly' share with you the major news last night.

SHENATH THOMAS DIAS
and my mum has finally met

the outcome? it was alright, mum has said some remarks and some nice ones too =)
phew... it was very intense for him... and of course for me.
my goodness.

shenath and nurul finally saw my baby brother.. hehe
then i have to seem like a mother in public! ahhhhh! major.. cos mum went to the ladies and i was to take care of isaac!
and then me, shenath and the baby took pics.. and it felt soo weird. LOL
NO IM NOT UPLOADING THAT =)
and nurul u better not upload that okay.. okay maybe i will... =)

okay, so far this week, i have met my sisters and of course spent time with jan and jo...
MY GOSH... u never guess how much itched me and shenath went through early this week and im glad it was over and now we are more crazy than ever =)
it just gets better after every fight...

people who are in a rship.. there is two advice i want to you consider taking.
first of all, always remember that fights, misunderstandings and quarrels are a part of our lives.
so here it is...
1. talk about your problems when ur both cooled down
2. always exclude external problems/parties and always focus on the two of you ONLY
3. make out after that... LOL

okay it's suppose to be 2 then it comes up to three. lol

okay enough of this... pictures!!

uploading has been delayed =)

but im sad to tell u im not uploading all 77 pics... sorry

Tuesday
^me and jo camwhoring
^isnt this nice? this is not photoshop-ed.
^ =)
^jo and jean
^reflect us
^we are in the red ball
^on the way to school... late for test... cabbing. =)
^still in the cab.. camwhoring
^camwhoring
^jo looks too indon... lol
^jan crying cos he didnt have time to do his hair... retardo
^camwhore
^introducing HALO-HALO - filipino dessert

^camwhores
^NICE VERSE 1
^AT ZARA
^at art gallery

^ CHRISTMAS angels =)

tuesday ended quite great =)
shenaht and i finally started being more great with each other...
we realise that what matters was not the external stuff that can come up.
on tuesday, i realise also that despite ur best guy fren and ur boyfriend not being on any good terms, it doesnt mean that your relationship with either one should go down the drain...
and im glad jan understands... and im also glad that shenath let me keep my friendship with jan.

^wednesday - after school, slacking with bf at agora (school)
^Thursday - IT helpdesk NICE VERSE 2
^Town with jaja and hid

^crazy sister 1
^crazy sister 2
^camwhore me
^love them both
^FRIDAY- town - the TREE =) the night shenath and mum met
^the sister

^the brother
^wonder who this is...

the end.. of pictures =)

p.s. im going to quit fnb line soon...
starting out at retail line.. =) botique...!
PATTERNS here i come

Quirk

2007-11-17T00:15:00.000+08:00

i owe you blogders big time.
will upload very soon.
with pictures! =)

and main story, SHENATH MET THE MUM! lol
at least a preview of him being around my mum. xmas and new year, he'd be spending with me
and family noe, so might as well get use to it. LOL
ok gtg. muahs!!!

Updates!

2007-11-10T01:02:00.000+08:00

in due reason of my anni with shenath, i delayed this post that you are currently reading..
and in this post too shall contain my day with shenath just now just an hr past since the 9th...
our first quarter somewhat-celebration =)

so last on the 8th i went to meet jan rick to take the camera and then apparently he insisted i eat with him at Mr Teh Tarik shop at i-dont-which-part-of-tampines

best guy friend ever... =)

we walked like after such a long time and then reached the place
there i saw my cousing Bir...

and of course my 2hot cafe colleagues, plus surprisingly my secondary school friend - who said it looks as if i gained 20 Kg since last year. can u imagine that! -.- haiz

okay i didnt gain 20 kg fyi.. at least not 20. lol but i did gain lah obvious. lol
anyway, there jan got us nasi pattaya seafood and then indian rojak!

later on on the way back, we totally encountered something somewhat freaky /:
nvm about that at least we are okay. i dont want to think about it too now..

so after meeting jan, had to say some excuse to shenath so that i can do the baking properly without having to keep replying to his smses.
yes, i made shenath some cake =)

and the pictures below are the things that i did for him for our first quarter =)
1. Filipino dessert cake =)

food symbolizes nurturing - in this case our early relationship still needs to be nurtured

2. Poem in a selfmade card

the poem symbolizes words of love - in this case to nurture this relationship proper words and of course the right words should be said between the couples e.g. more talking and getting to know

3. Stitching
*supposedly it was to look like this. then i lost count so had to fix it.
so instead of this cupid holding the heart...
i was lucky enough to at least know how to do wordings. lol

the stitching symbolizes the efforts - in this case to nurture the rship one needs to place in efforts for things to work out cos with words and knowing the other half is not enough to nurture the relationship, effort is greatly needed

so then i combined the stitching and the poem together.

to nurture the relationship with verbal communication and putting in effort at the early stage is what i have pieced together after some looking up on the net and some stuff i read.
and so...
this is the reason why i did all these for him.
to those who are starting out... maybe u can get some ideas for your anni or anni-monthlies(:

different people see things differently, and this is how i usually show gratitude at least once every 3 months but of course not forgetting the day every month no matter how short it may be.
because every day together counts. what more months? and so later come years if it is so meant to be =)

today. we spent the day at his place eating up the cake i made.
he hasn't really tasted the Filipino dessert before... and this time i added cheese on it
he likes cheesy tastes. lol lucky it was a success...
and no he didn't run to the toilet afterwards ok!
anyway, he got for me a bracelet and a pair of precious-stones earring - i dont know how he knows i like em
but that really is sweet of him =)

[he explained the properties of these stones and i guess it might be Chiastolite or something]
then i suspect onyx is also in the bracelet. lol i dont know... i guess... but whatever, i loike it!
but these two are quite heavy for their supposed weight in my mind. haha

*thanks darling!!

then in the afternoon, we had lunch then headed to tampines to get the ticket from GV to watch
THE GAME PLAN. lol
we spent the evening till the early night laughing madly in the cinema
and of course exchanging kisses here and there. lol
the movie damn fun really.. go and watch it people. you'll laugh like crazy! haha

so after getting the ticket we had two hours to spend, so we headed to an M1 dealer to get my new phone!
lol this phone, no matter how supposedly hit the market with 10 billions sale alongside SGH D500, is still quite an OLD phone.
the phone itself is chic and despite its color resolution not meeting what i wanted, i am happy at at least i am happy with something i spent on. =)
usually id end up regretting. i hope i wont regret lah =)

and of course i got new M1 line. so come ask for my no asap k =)
and im still looking for the third call buddy. so if ur an m1 user and we even talk at all, let me know =)
first time using m1. i really hope i dont blow it! uggh i would so kill myself then... -.-

then after spending for a new pair of contact lenses, i am BROKE -.-
at least semi-broke. no more extra cash... boo hoo!
well anyway... pictures!!!

^he's enthralled by the starwars archade game. lol
^then he was taking...
^ my PICTURE! =) and i... am taking his.. lol
^then he wanted to take a proper one of me... there! cheese! (=
^this one was taken when we were on the way to get my phone -.- when he was complaining he was sleepy.
^he just had to look away at the wrong timing. this cud have been a nice pic

lol okay. i think these are all the pic i have...
i enjoyed myself on my first quarter.
now we look forward to the next quarter but first.. we shall see how another month will be going on =)

okay. it's late... im tired... good night!

jean loves shenath

FIRST QUARTER=)

2007-11-09T00:52:00.000+08:00

there are many things i fear in life,
and yet many of those are things i want to brave.
there are many things that people fear, even love - that is my fear
never have i thought that fearing love was possible
and yet, fearing love is a little bit nonsensical..

i thought, "how can one fear love? when love is supposedly the one thing in the world that makes us smile"
then this created a paradox, "so why do love end up making people cry, broken and in solitude?"

that leaves me scratching my head and just pushing these thoughts away.
i was thinking of it just a while ago.
i thought about my current situation with my loving boyfriend.

despite having faith and a certain amount of trust on our love and on him,
i cannot place a sure certainty about what the future holds.
and yet, not seeing it and not trying it creates more questions for me.
so then i realize that i am quite happy that I'm brave enough to take this path in life
and so i encourage myself to really just let what be to be.

everyone goes through a transition, a metamorphosis and a change of some sort.
i am going through those i mentioned above.

a transition, a metamorphosis, a change - these I'm going through
because my views on love has changed...
with him, I'm seeing how i missed out on being really nicely treated.
i will never want to ruin these things we are building and shaping...
despite what people say and how people shall come to break us down, im hoping that we will have enough understanding and faith to hang on.
this goes especially for me... for i know i am weak - i tend to slip away...

the first month with him - a month of trial and error, testing, experimentation
second month - realization that our past should be forgotten and that we mus focus more on us
as the third month comes (which is today!!) - we have seen how we have developed and how we can make things work even better

I've have made somethings for him -
for i believe that first quarters are the start or the entrance of the doorway to the next level.
if we survive another quarter and another and another... and that we are still strong.
it thus then mean that we are really having something real and something strong. too strong...
but time is still young, fresh and still mutable...
frustration and mistakes can still ruin us, but then im willing to make things work..
i am willing to give him all the aid i can to make it work...
in time i guess i'll know if we are the ones to be... for now... que sera sera...
im loving him and im going to be good -

no more games, no more unfaithfulness
no more sidelines, no more sideplates, no more junkfoods

im going to try to give my best in this relationship.
although there will always be fear, i will see how it is with him..

darling... happy FIRST QUARTER *3 months
and this is for shenath thomas dias...

im naked around you
does it show
you see right through me
and i cant hide
im naked around you
and it feels so right
*click the yellow words

darling, i love the way you make me feel.
and that's why i cant hide from you
hugs and loves
take care

=)

2007-11-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

plans has changed like crazy. lol
anyway, today wasn't jean and jan day... as of now, it has been postponed to wednesday(:
wednesday's plan of going to JB was dashed by the trio - cody, sandy and yihao
boohoo! was soo planning to have lunch there.

today i met mr bf... hehe
nice being with him today though...
and there went our abstinence of not seeing each other for a week (: lol
basically i think it's impossible..
(haiz... imagine a whole month when he goes back to lanka? -.-)
i'm still bothered about it. not having a good feel about him going.
let's see how it goes, months more to come till that arrives.

okayy.. so after the day with shenath(twas nice seeing him today:)
went to meet nurul at tampines. hehe
so totally missed her lah. finally we went out.
went to QIJI to eat... mee siam! haha nice meal and i bet her laksa looks more tempting after what i did to it...
*visualize nurul... you're good at it u naughty bitch. haha
(and no im not trying anymore stunts unless u try my stunt. hmph! :P)

well, im almost done with what im doing for shenath. yipee!
two more stuff to go and im done! hehe
i just hope that the last item is a success. lol
i hope he likes it tho... hehe
*shenath if ur reading this. pls be patient k, u'll know soon enough (:

to the rest of you blogders, i will be putting up what it is i have been up to.
after friday night.. hehe
okay. i want to go... tired from using the computer. haha

take care. nites

the day

2007-11-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

when the heart loves, the soul lightens up
nothing in the world can actually define love

what's love? A strong positive emotion of regard and affection
but the real meaning of love start from your own view of this phenomenon

what's love to me? it is a feeling no doubt
something that can be reflected through the eyes and motives...
i believe that love is an influence, a guide and an understanding between two souls
love should be reciprocal and it should be discouraged when it is one-sided

the downside?
love co-exist with lust therefore we often mistake lust for love.
this is where relationship takes the landslide and hit rock bottom
so how will you know if you're in love or just in lust?

you will know... let time tell it all but have a prepared mind about it.
you will know just as i did.

once you do however, make it worthwhile and try to be as good as you possibly can.
experiences varies but it is what motivates you to be that matters...
and what really motivates you to is your motives to show how much you love the person.
but always remember that love is not always sugar-coated...
somehow, just be positive and keep trying to make things work... =)

okay.. that is so drama-MUCH!
anyway, that is just a random topic i have in my head. all about love and all that.
like duh! im like in love... and still on cloud 9 and hoping to stay in cloud 9 forever. lol

today, lets see.. my plans varied like crazy.
and like who am i kidding.. i plan things and end up doing another set of things...
today i have to apologize to Jaja for not coming watch her game when it was in my schedule to do so.
okay, so met mira after her rp interview!
i got late in meeting up with her at somerset station so she went off to first destination;
PINC - a nice place for both men and women.
when i said men i meant metro sexual men... cos today, mira went for some waxing!
and i had brow threading... so traditional and the lady was good... uh huh
she's indian so she should give good outcome when it comes to threading...
i can never trust a NON-indian to do threading except my aunt sol (:

anyway, after PINC we headed for lunch.
i was super torn between Fish & co. and Sakura...
well, mira wasnt helping also... and i can tell you that girl has tastes! and it's not cheap.
lol but really that's what my girls are :) uggh
okay anyway, eventually went to sakura and we had THAI! well, it's once in awhile and she's practically going to fly off tonight already so yeah...

the lunch was great!
we both talked about everything - BOYS and stuff.
how come boys are this and that and whatever that comes to mind...
then we talked about our own boys... lol =)
mira mira... poor you... (first date blues. lol)

after lunch bought skinny and it alright except for the fact that i have to get a size bigger cos my ass wont fit. lol
then mira just go on comforting saying something like "oh dont fret..having an ass like that is what the bf should be loving" lol
totally maniac - mira mira mira
anyway babe, i wish you a safe trip! =) muacks!
see ya next month for you party...!!!

okay, i have to do some things now.
gtg wanna sleep earlier today... meeting shen tmr! =)

take care people..
muahs!

W/S

2007-11-04T11:27:00.000+08:00

work
can i say more.
all i know is i don't take those kind of shit...
i feel everything that i do at work is taken into offense by some idiot
it's like every little thing is a mistake...
oblivious to the fact that YES people do make mistake
and that PEOPLE are not machines...
then i realize that ass is being such a bully... makes me burn inside.
a bully is?
A person who deliberately intimidates or is cruel to weaker people
in this case, i am the weaker people and everything he does is DELIBERATE.
watch me like a hawk, have a conclusion without any supporting detail and he assumes every move i make is a mistake.
i have never met such a person in my life... NOT SUCH AN ADULT.
i bet he had a rough time when he start working before and being such a bully he ensures newbies at work get treated like shit.
no lifer!
anyway, everything that is happening, im taking it quite coolly
i know it pisses the hell out of him more but i am not going to be angry externally.
I'm keeping it deep within and i wish him good luck for making me feel like this.
no one has made me feel like this before and i wish him luck for being the first.
I'm sorry for any mishap he might go through cos the moment i reach my boiling point...
i know i will be appeased in the end.

lately...
i realize that being such being a nice person also makes you the bitch of everyone
why then... id rather be the bitch to everyone
no point being nice nor being such a good mannered person

but no... I'm not reforming for the bad.
i have my upbringing and I'm not sticking to other's principles and ways of doing things..
but surprisingly, people can handle ill mannerism, even revel in it..
even live up to it and even co-exist in it...
I'm not the most well mannered person but mutual mannerism should still exist...

and yes i am talking about almost the same person.

well, i am not so much bothered because i can gladly say that this is not my life path
and i can always find another job.
I'm staying for a matter of time because i want to.
i might leave tho no doubt because i am realizing that i can never fit myself in their kind of environment.
the workload is quite alright but terribly tiring.
but it is the environment... i cannot be with people who says emphasize on some values and then portrays another. very misleading and very terribly put...

despite the whole thing...
slowly i am seeing some things happening that i find quite amusing.
i'm not saying what it is but i do find it quite entertaining.
the more i feel unhappy the more the will find it interesting...
i do feel a little bit guilty but i guess im unhappy enough to rid of that guilt.
soon another thing will come up... haha =)

the only people who might know what im meaning is NURUL and maybe Shenath* =)
* dont know if i told him... hms

anyway, lets not brood over this.
after writing this i feel much better.
today is SUNDAY! =)
i dont know whats so happening about sundays but i got to go.
=)

good day people
and to all RP-ians... HAPPY HOLIDAY!!! =)

holiday planning?

2007-11-03T10:15:00.001+08:00

well lets see.. HOLIDAY IS HERE!!! yeye
first time in like every holidays, i still have 'unbooked' days.
well, in a way that is a good thing.
cos that means that i am only giving priority to my darling sisters, jan rick and of course selected brothers.
im keeping friday to mr shenath so do book me on monday, wednesday late afternoon.
err shit i just realized a week is soo short.

okay tuesday - jan and jean day
wednesday - meeting in school! yet to be confirmed tho...
thursday - sem1 class bbq
friday - FIRST QUARTER. hehe
saturday & sunday - alone times and work! :)

err i only have monday unbooked and im complaining... like wth rite?
okay anyway, to the sisters and brothers who want and dying to meet me... do let me know k.
i would be damn busy again.. if want to jalan raya oso can k. just let me know! muahs!

hmm yesterday marked the end of the first term of sem2
and yet i still find the one week break damn short! boo hoo!
oh well, it's just one week... more boo hoo!!
just remembered, i dreamt of shenath.. he's asking me if we are having field trip on our anni.
L-O-L
crazee dream i tell you. anw, i just checked his facebook...
so many nice comments fer me and him. lol
and a weird comment from his ex... err okay. hahaha
and some dude saying something in sinhala... (note-to-self:ask him what it means) (:

today i will spend my day lazying around.
tmr i will do my chores after churching with jan... or lets see if mr shenath will go with me. lol
but in these two days, i have WORK!
i really hope Charles botak dont come after me again. uggh

ok gtg.. hungry!

missing my darling...
muacks!

hmm

2007-11-01T22:55:00.000+08:00

dont really know what to blog about today...
yesterday didnt go to school because there is a person in my team that i so disfavor lately.
i have nothing against him personally but moraly i feel that he has something that has caused me to detest him.
either way, it's still making him out of my favor.
after being grouped with him on tuesday... i must say it has made me itched with him in my team.
i dare say it here because im speaking the truth and im not being prejudice of some sort.

also, i find that there is no point in hiding it... if it's there, say it out..
no point having to be evasive about this kind of shit because the other party is not stupid.
they will figure it out... like duh!

okay anyway, i am slowly etching my plans for the holiday! wooo hooo!
i wanna use a day to sleep my head off and then clean my so 'clothes-covered' room...
wont be clubbing this holiday tho.. out of cash and out of permission. lol

anyway, class today was quite crazy..
not just the way VB program gets to my head and eat it up slowly... little by little..
but also, cos it's ALIF's bday! =)

"happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
happy birthday to alif, happy birthday to you!"

class sang him birthday song like thousand times.. *exaggerated much*
bought him a cake as what we did for meng chia
i guess it was from FourLeaves again... the choco taste superb!
*mouth watering again*

im so loving fergie's song man! so seductive... naughty! lol
anw, im getting dizzy... but let me feed ur eyes with some pics...
found these in the net..

and this horrible one, is something i did.. wahahah.. it soo totally suck lah!

so in love with you.
sugar-coated and strawberry heart shaped loving is so awesome...
pushing aside itched emotion is getting a little bit better...
the aches in my chest is starting up again.. i hope everything passes by tho..
i shall be prepared.
i am indeed loving him... much more.
i shall never want to let this thing with him fall apart.
but there is a fear in me... and as time comes i hope i hope he would ease that and prove me wrong..
loving you darling... muacks!

stupidity much

2007-10-30T21:32:00.001+08:00

totally shithead...
made another mistake..
uh oh... haiz... sry darling.. it wont happen again. promise.
stupid lor... kate me ngan dier dah okay, beh i add lagik satu..
punye bengs. ugh >=|

but anyhoo...

darling, im sorry if i made you feel like that okay.
i dont know what it was that made you feel as such.
im waiting for tmr to know what it was really.
thank you for explaining and thank you for reconciling with me.
and im sorry for another round of freaking shit i have to throw at you.
so so so sorry... super sorry.
dont know whether to laugh at myself or to roll around madly or something.
uggh! but anyhoo, even tho it was bad timing, i just had to tell you straight away.
was afraid if i tell you way later, you'd get a wrong idea again. that's my intention.
but too bad it went on the wrong timing! for the last time, sorry.
i love you!

okay. i re-posted this post to put these!
i just finished making these! =))

=)

2007-10-30T15:50:00.001+08:00

some lesson i had today.
i officially slacked today...usually my slack today wasnt the slack i usually do.
when i slack i usually still have a good outcome.
today... im typing these while having the team presentation.
RP-ians... you all should know how slack is that... -.-

anyway, today's ryan ashley pereira's birthday...
"happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...
happy birthday to ryan, happy birthday to you...!!"
**this is two of our old pics lol

all-time brother ass... haha someone's 18 already. finally eh?
no need to do anything illegal anymore! =D
anyway, long time no see also. dont have the time anymore.. school's too far. lol
and end too late.

NEXT WEEK! finally holiday.
shenath will be working the whole week except friday and sunday.
dont think we'll be meeting up tho... lets see
maybe i will go for lady's night... fyzah, wanna join? =)
shenath wont be able to join me for this holiday... see my mood also...
but i want to spend my holiday weekdays to catch up with all my all-time darlings...
also, i want to have some alone time.. shall go for a lonely spa...
and catch up with jan rick oso... shall keep friday free tho just in case shenath decided to meet up =)

anyway, photoshop madness is still very very fresh.
today i did... (at least i helped..)
transformed from this...

more to come!!
plus! my class is going ALL BLACK FOR HALLOWEEN-Y TOMORROW!!
yeye.. and ALSO... my class is nuts about photoshop too!! wahaha!!!

okay gtg...

somehow still emotionally emotionless.
he's still in that kind of phase. dont know...
i know the difference when he's not happy at all.
no matter how normal he tries, i still can feel the difference.
dont know.. it made me feel as if all i did was purely under my full INTENTIONS.
im waiting for him to get over this... dont know when...
hope it wont take too long cos i really dont want to responsible for my weakness to overcome me.
nvm. i shall just pretend to live in my sugar-coated world where no one is to be blame...
and i shall just close my perceptions over him... being to receptive is some how not such a good thing.
being like this makes every lil thing obvious... it's like im a magnifying glass.
hmm... and no im not going to do anything stupid in this phase.
i dont want things to turn sour for us. i wanna strive for a happy love life...
had too much shit before..i hope he can at least learn to F&F with me... (forgive and forget)

the day of photoshopping

2007-10-29T23:46:00.001+08:00

before i hit the sack and enter slumberland, hopefully in peace...
i would like to post! these....

i must admit!!!!!i did this picture on photoshop... ultimate newbie really... lol
i cant believe that i have wasted years of my life not knowing the fun in photoshop!
i only knew that i changed my features with kumar! thanks to jan.
dont know if he still have that pic tho... lol

today, had enterprise... damn boring really.. but my team was rocking!
first time in a month... i was in an all girl team.
michelle, wan, fatin, fit and yours truly...
damn fun lor... plus... as i have always wanted, FATIN AND WAN in my team. lol
so totally madness.
at first made me feel so weird cos i didn't know that we really will end up in the same team. lol
plus, wan and fatin are another sets of out-there people.
so afraid three of us will end up having girl fights. lol
but all good... and we had NEW YORK CHOCO CHUNKS (ben&jerry's)
$11 for a pint =)) nice!! yum yum

also, during class was laughing madly at what shenath sent.... err try to read lah k. lol

*click to enlarge
okay. another photoshop madness. lol so newbie!!
fit and i are soo newbie... fatin is sooo great in it lor! damn nice lah her collection
see her work at... FATIN@DEVIANTART **click to link

this pic was under the supervision of Fit. lol
anyway... THIS NOV 3...
FIT AND HER BAND WILL BE HAVING A GIG @ DXO.
ticket price at $10!
dont know her band name tho... but this gig will house singapore bands and more! so rock on singapore!
alif, another gig-er, told me that IT WILL BE SAFE!
mosh-ing is limited... =)) i dont know if that's a good thing, but sounds good...
head-banging is so last century for me... my neck officially needs rejuvenation!

so people... those youngsters who still see this gigs.. get ur tickets at DXO? lol
i dont know... hurry! before the tickets run out. =)

i want to sleep now.
good night people!

words to say i love you.
envelope me in your arms,
coat me with all the sugar coated-ness of your love
hide me away from every harmful side of love
forgive me for everything im not...
for my love, you know id try to always give you everything i can...
that's how much im beginning to love you. muacks!

restless

2007-10-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

work wasnt as bad as i have expected.
that supervisor didn't come after me... phew..
supposedly im to be in bed now... sleeping.
but im feeling restless so instead im here typing for my blogders to see my inability to get proper sleep.
im always restless in bed. either cant sleep or i would wake up in the middle of the night! lol
cant be helped... i think i can say that my longest sleep of 16hr only happened one day this year.
hmm the second longest was 12hr - NONSTOP.
full 12hr i manage to sleep... lol

okay. tmr will be enterprise module...
then i will end the day with shenath...
been spending loads of time with him lately.
hmms i hope we wont get sick of each other for meeting too much. lol
today, missed out in jalan raya-ing with the peeps! =(
cant go people, working!
i hope they had fun...im sure they did -.-
tmr i need to claim a very very very long hug from the bf.
work today was tiring but at the most manageable.

anyway, i want to go now...
the sand man is calling me now... yeah hey.
sleeping time! nights.

p.s. the song apologize is soo addictive.
very nicely put too =) and yep.. it's too late... (i need to sleep) lol

yet another post

2007-10-28T15:49:00.000+08:00

been long since i have really posted at all

school is getting better presumably at the least... im being a lil bit more intact
shenath and i are not really skipping much of the meetings anymore...
will try to keep it at that... i think both of us have reached the max time that we can skip.

anyway, yesterday went to bukit gombak again =)
shenath ran.
the relay baton passes suck big time for rp.
shenath went fast but to no avail his injury hindered his speed. plus the baton passes from the second to third went off beat. the first runner's pass was great and so was the start of the second runner.
shenath was the last runner. the competition was awesome no doubt.
even shenath knew his standards went down completely -.-
he's torn between two sports so what else to expect?
and now after ivp track and field, rugby will be his sports priority
i hope he dont get injured this times... lol

friday he will have match... *crosses fingers*
anyway, work will start soon. dont really know how i'll do today...
lately i have been getting so strained there... wana kill the supervisor. madnes...
mum was telling me to stop working. lol let's see...

**wanna upload pictures but photobucket has kicked the bucket today. shit
till next time then!!

To my friends.

2007-10-24T14:51:00.000+08:00

today was super major emotional day.
not fer me directly but i serious feel sympathy for natalie and of course jan.
both about break-ups and letting go.

and yes... jan has broken up with his other half.
fucktard... haiz jan dear im here for you k
and so am i with nat... muacks!

anw, i wish those who are in the rocks, i want you to know that you'd see light at the end of the tunnel.
no one can escape these emotional torments.
it's okay to be damn sad, it wont make you any weaker just cos ur crying.
if ur uncomfy about crying, do it yourself when ur all alone. =))
or cry with someone who you know you will be just there to comfort you.

everything will fall to place.. =))
i shall pray for my friends who are poor in their spirits...
but i would like to share with you a verse from the bible and im sure from quran too...
just dont know lah...
but this is the verse that i know helped me in pulling through my tough time =))

“Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.” (Matt. 5:3–11)

thank you

2007-10-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

today my day was so bad.
so was my night at work yesterday!
it was super duper horrible. dont wanna and cant say anything more..
leaving it as that.

yesterday night was super sick too =(
then it extended till today.
im still kinda sick actually =((
today needed shenath badly and im glad he came over to the east side.
made my day very nice.

we hung out at sunplaza park.
we stayed at a shelter there, joking and kidding around.
cant even kiss my boyfriend properly =( dont want him to get my flu+fever see
but anyhoo, need to take care of my health more.
been very bad lately, the day at work made it worst really.
the period made it more horrible and of course mum's nagging -.- lol

at sunplaza, we ended up playing with the swings. lol
i still enjoy the swings. later shenath pushed me on the swing
and i was like so happy like a small kid. lol
deprived of proper childhood, poor me.

later we were climbing some huge crocodile there.
then he was complaining he lost his sense of balance. haha
so wanted to kiss him.. :( knew he wanted to, but too bad. haha discipline eh? ;)
we spent our day chatting and poking fun at each other basically.
so sweet of him to come find me today...
darling, thanks for making my day tho in a very irritating way k. haha =)

anw, i will be taking part in YA club's captain ball competition.
SUI! sent two teams for this competition. im in the first team.
thursday is the match! 430 onwards =))
i hope my knee will be fine.

also, hidayah and i are planning to re-group for dance.
i am finding a dance studio, cheap ones for a weekly session only.
hidayah's hopefully finding remixes or good songs to dance to,
let her recruit ppl, later i recruit she dont like... lol

okay i got to go.
tmr UT! Culture&Aesthetics Module.
know nuts abt it, at least not in depth. dead meat! =(

pride&prejudice

2007-10-22T14:20:00.000+08:00

last but not least..

im just soo in love with Pride and Prejudice. great story noe... =))

wanna watch it again! hehe

A nice day

2007-10-21T01:24:00.000+08:00

wanted to sleep but decided to post.

today.

spent time with hidayah, mira and shenath at bukit gombak stadium.
it was the IVP (institute-varsity-poly) track and field competition today.
was on duty as the photographer but i didnt do much of a work,
besides taking pictures of hidayah's hair at every angle.

it was really nice to see the two.
yesterday meeting ling, who now goes by the name sake, LYN, was really nice.
at least she did not started to have arguments with my bf like some sister name hidayah. lol
so the two of them were going at it, debating, cursing and shooting down each other.
poor mira and i were like the boundaries between palestine and israel! omg

as obvious at it may seem, hidayah enjoys debating with shenath.
almost about every nonsensical detail! lol
hidayah also says things about me that is so not hearing-friendly for bfs. lol
oh well whatever.

love them both.
cant be bothered with their debates. lol

shenath was sad as he wasnt able to run his events.
at the high hope of the track and field team on him, it is obvious my darling dude is so capable of winning.
he's just outa athletics shape and his rugby injury hinders training for the heats.
so sad, but at least i made his day! =))
phew.. today was really a nice day for us.

at bukit gombak, we saw a very nice place for couples.
it was really awesome to come to think about it.
i never thought such a place could exist in that kind of place.
anyway, shenath and i will be going back to that place soon.
we will be awaiting the school holidays for a heart-to-heart talk again.
maybe pictures will be up! =))
then i can show you the place i have found with him.

anyway, i have come to terms with my heart and mind.
i feel that the fights that shenath and i has went through has come as a rude awakening.
for me and as well as him.
shows how much we grew complacent.
being always happy in the relationship is not a good sign but being always strained is a nightmare.

anyway, our first quarter is arriving.
kinda important actually.
to me that is...

well, i have talked too much.
i need sleep!
good nite blogders!

fights?

2007-10-20T01:23:00.000+08:00

so lately me and shenath has been coming after each other's blood.
worst scenario ever? he will think the worst of me and i will think the worst of him.
but so far, im still faithful and i dont intend to ruin this.
just that recently my bitchy shit on him is up a notch. lol
poor bf... but actually somehow both our actions nurture the pest of an argument. lol

i hate to really fight with him, but i dont know why every lil small thing seem to itch me up the wrong way.
okay this week we quarelled like 2-3 days.. kinda gotten better yesterday then again today.
but at least we didnt end our week staying mad at each other. phew!
okay all this fights are making me sooo demoralised but phew! we do solve it everyday, then start a fresh one the next day. lol
we better work some thing out here... hmm we are approaching our first quarter in the rship.
i dont know what the future holds fer us but i want to make things work.
he wants to make things work... and he's confident we can be good... i have faith in him.
i just hope everything will be fine.

jan said, no point planning anything cos planning a rship just dont work...
i know... so i trust that... whatever happens will happen.
after reconciling with him, we have both come to an understanding not wanting to see each other freaking pissed.
i wont do anything that will piss him, i hope i at least manage to...
he himself has promised. im sure he will keep to it.
at least for a long run. lol guys are always assholes. but it takes a good one to not a an asshole.
i think i have a good ONE with me.

i love you darling...
i was lost and trapped when you found me...
you gave me a little of everything, and then ur giving me all...
i give you a little of my everything but im still afraid to give you the best of me...
no matter what happens, i wont regret loving you.
tho i may have second thoughts about us, i will always try to work it out...
you can always be sure that i will try harder next time for you.
thank you for loving me despite the short duration that we have known each other.
once again, i love you. muacks!

to all my blogders, sorry! hahaha was too mushy mushy in this post. nvm
anw, i need to turn in now. muahs!
take care!!!

anyway wanna share with you my all-time favourite story! haha
pride and prejudice.
with the song... bbmak - ghost of you and me... sooo nice!

hmm?

2007-10-18T19:19:00.000+08:00

wow a month has passed with my new classmates.
i am still getting to know my peers - all at different angles and different ways.
i dont dislike anyone else that much anymore actually.
not even meng chia... haha it was his bday today.
i guess i just didn't like his way of doing work. but overall he's not sucha horrible person.

anyway, i havent really hated anyone before.
i dont know.
since last time i do dislike people but never to the point till hate.
i feel that im too soft-hearted for hate. lol
i can hate situations, things, behaviour and all those but not people.
i dont know. weird me

anyway, lately i have been jumping on every lil mistake bf makes.
i get irritable easily these past few days.. pity the poor bf.
i guess ive just been burned out by the lack of slp. lol
but whatever, today we are alright.. no misunderstanding.
he told me some things why he has been becoming what he is.. i have to understand that.
darling... i understand what you meant. i will try to give you whatever i can. muahs

im currently going to miss HALLOWEEN!!! =((
super sad. hmm nvm... i think i will just spend time at work. lol
let's see... anyway, i shall see what happens. =))

anyway, there are a couple of things that i have realised.
1. im getting lazy in school
2. ive been going home earlier =))

i have to go.
wanna watch movie.
ciaos

TMR!!! HAPPENINGS HAPPENINGS!!!
SISTERS HERE I COME!! =))
I CANT WAIT TO GO NUTS WITH YOU GUYS! YEY!!!

what a day

2007-10-15T16:07:00.000+08:00

im glad all sisters are awake and up.
confirmed.
1. jaja
2. hid
3. ling
4. mira
5. a last minute attendee: Fyzah (jaja knows her) - rmbr club days? hehe

nurul kecik is still not confirmed. uggh
if people all confirm ah, she's the only one who's not...
when she is confirmed, all the rest are not.
yawns.

anyway in class now.
'listening' to the last grp presenting, pretending to be learning.
today, i really didn't have the mood to do work.
must be monday blues! whatever happens on mondays, is basically blamed on monday blues!
dont raise your brows... ur guilty of doing the same! haha

i still dont know what to do for the get-together.
good thing the sisters are helping me think... my brain's turning to goo... gosh.
lets see... i dont know! the budget for that day is $50.
i hope i dont spend my money and i hope i can get my sum of money. lol
id have to beg the parents for a card. lol

i doubt mum will lend me already... after getting the atm jammed up in the machine..
i doubt she will. let's see what happens. lol

but today im a lil bit grouchy... gosh.
also, today jan was pissed with me... dont know what's wrong with him lah.
my answer to whatever... DONT ASSUME.
he is very fed up with the entire SUI! authority about double work.
i understand that but i felt that he assumed too much that i pangseh him.
whatever lah...
to jan: when you cool down then come find me lah. up to you. ive told you my stand.
u feel that it's my fault for hanging up ah, then that's ur choice ready. but pls ah, give that kind of attitude on any other person, ud oso get the same in return. thanks

SISTERHOOD

2007-10-15T00:25:00.000+08:00

i would like to announce to the sisters and the member sisters to keep your friday the 19th free!
from all other obligations, commitments, plans, whatever!
try to get urself out of eveything and wiggle yourself out if necessary.
the main plan and event is still not concrete and final.
so please try to keep this friday free...

sisters
1. nurul
2. hidayah
3. jaja
4. ling

member sisters
1. mira
2. fyzah
3. su ann

**brothers are excluded because this is strictly a girls day out...
if other sisters are interested to join. do call me in the most recent number that you know.
i know i changed number like TONS of time but pls keep urself updated ya!

also,

1. shaistah
2. vanessa rose
3. dinisha
4. whichever member you are. as long as ur connected through to me u are eligible to come.
**if you dont have my number, pls get it from the others. thanks

so... activities...

Day: FRIDAY
Date: 19th October 2007
Venue: Tentative

p.s. whatever happens, pls eliminate all othe plans...
thank you.

good night to all.
=)

** the RED BOLDED names are the ones which are 99.9% required to come

Jeanie jean jean

2007-10-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

today 12hr work got reduced to 10.5 hr work. lol
early saturday morning woke up so early at 8.30am! yawns...
was shocked awake lah! uggh... i tot i overslept. haha then later my colleague say i
suppose to come at 1030 not 10am! hehe
in the end still late... gosh! im turning to jan!!!

anw, to jan rick mascarina!
get well soon too aites! =))

i went off work early oso, gotten flu cos i woke up early! haha
during break time i rushed to whitesand put money in my bank! haha
then end up catching cold while walking in the rain for 5 mins! uggh
immune system cocked up ready. uggh since like after dropping dance i was soo unhealthy.
no no no... wait, it was dance that made my system broke down. lol
what the hell... to the threesome(hid and haj), hmms u both know what the hell happen that whole year. lol
dance like crazy. until system cocked up... im still dreaming of having rejuvenation.
but time aint permitting it... lol i shud go to malaysia or philippines wilderness or something!
meditate on a mountain... sisters wanna join?

uggh actually was supposed to head to Italy earlier this year with bro Roz.
GO FOR RETAIL MEDITATION! =(( go for ITALIAN sight-seeing... haha
hang out and chill in Italy... haiz.. end up... POSTPONED...
BUT BUT BUT!!! got this offer to go to KOREA!! next april...
i dont know if id like korea but my mum said korea is nice. haha
trip to korea's actually FULLY PAID! haha everything... lol
but must go for some performance or theater dance or something ah.
then it got me thinking to re-shape up for dance... DANCE.

to threesome... or BDQ, im hoping ur all going nuts with envy now. lol
nah not confirm going leh... i lazy to re-shape. haha tsk tsk tsk...
shud join sports first lah. but pysio said i cant jump to it yet... my injury still needs consultation or advise from the sports doctors. yeahs...
lets see.. might go soon.. but must get the parents to pay. yawns..
so much for being born in AUGUST. both my injuries are in august.
SAME AREA SOME MORE! uggh. haha

kks lah.. talking to much...
ciaos

p.s. i love you... shenath... =))

HUMAN VEGGIES

2007-10-12T16:34:00.000+08:00

basically, i was bombarded with tag posts that relay indecency and an obvious attack on;
1. my 2 months anniversary
2. my boyfriend
3. my appearance

my girls and i dont know what has triggered this attack.
i guess i will never know why.
i did what i can... i entertain all i could but what i just want to say is that,
no matter what is said in wherever by people like those "human veggies", i wont let it affect me.
anyway, to those avid readers... ya'll know ive done a declaration before...
now im going to do it again.... haha

I DECLARE MYSELF FAT!

true what... i gained 5kg since the past 7 months

why? cos i was under mild depression

and at that period i was binge eating.

if my boyfren and my close social circle can understand and accept that,

AND SOME 'VEGGIES' CANT

than that's just TOO freaking bad

diverting back to the story -

if to them i have done something that has angered them in any way, then
i hope they will come out of their veggie nicknames and tell me their problem.
cos for me, it's simple... if u seek justice on yourself due to what i said or did, then tell me...
i will gladly justify it with apologies and reasons.

there is no point shooting me here and there without me knowing what i did to you
cos i will just view it as a childish torment, that i have outgrown years ago.
there many things i can do... if these things persist.

what is the presence of MDA for?
what is the presence of an IP address for?
what is the presence of 'internet police' for?
singapore has only 66.3% internet users in singapore...
and if ur using public access... there's only 61 companies in singapore with that license.
you think i cant locate you... maybe I cant, but experts can...

*the person ask how am i going to track him/her/them?
if you really want to know... come and comment with such indecency again until i blow my top, and i swear i will do what i can to make sure your identity is revealed.
do not underestimate me and capabilities in that...

if these human veggies think that it isn't such a big deal for MDA to track you or even the police to track you...
you are gravely mistaken... breached on morality is a crime...
like i said... just keep doing... keep doing until i blow my top.

the aggressor's back up reason?
that person claim that i have done what this person has done.
as far as i can remember, i have done tag comments but with an honest opinion and not an attack - with my name out there proud and loud.
im a very transparent person... so if you think i have done something wrong to you...
something i can NOT justify, pls feel free to see me.
this goes to EVERYONE who knows me or not.
no point hiding under fake names and all that.... ur just wasting ur views.

also, i dont like it when u comment about my rship and my boyfriend.
calling him a dog and calling me a brainless bimbo for celebrating 2 months anni and calling me a prostitute becos we are only 2 months in our rship, should actually make you feel ashame.
and do you think the police will be happy to hear this? hmms
the last time i know of people harrassing others with the use of internet, they got caught and sentenced to jail.
so just come... comment with such indecency again... over and over again... until i get really angry..

anyway, my boyfren and i are very low profile, we dont look for trouble and neither do we want trouble.
all we want is peace between me and him... if you're not happy that we are happy...
then that's too bad for you... whoever you are...

and like i said... what goes ard comes ard...
im not guilty of anything like this and im sure i'll be justified.
if any bad luck, horrid events happens to ur life... pls think of what you said to me...
i may not be really affected but doing all this in the midst of my personal emotional period is something that i want justice for... MAY GOD BLESS YOU.
but in whatever... dont say i didn't warn you of those.
*cos for one, you dont know me well enough to know what i am and what i can do.

to those who supported me... thank you
to my girls, thank you for notifying me. loves

Vulnerable

2007-10-12T00:28:00.000+08:00

major sadness/depression whatever it is...

im feeling so vulnerable once again and it is such a sickening emotion to feel.
i will try with my all to get thru this... might not be serious but might be totally a lifetime scar.
i dont know.

if worst comes to worst... ima have to rearrange my whole life...
but if it's still great... then WONDERFUL!
i just hope that everything will be fine... i hate worrying.

past important posts will be published when im in the mood again..
for now till i feel much better...

this might be my last post... for the time being.
i need to rest.. good nights.

major drama... (ok fine this is not a real CRYING pic. but it still looks real k. *sobs*)

Anni

2007-10-09T15:04:00.000+08:00

i want to wish yours truly and shenath thomas dias a Happy 2nd Month Anni =))

FYIs

2007-10-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

lets see... today i was suppose to sleep in.
but decided not to... so i guess my tiredness now is my final outcome.
was from work... was from a bath... feels so wonderful and fresh... !

today shenath got injured at his rugger match!
poor darling... he's got his foot injured. i seriously hope it wont affect his race performance for track and fields. =(
but whatever, let's wish my darling a fast recovery k! EVERYONE I INSIST you do the same!! lol :D

today i worked... first time ever to come early for work...
had my late lunch-cum-dinner there... nice thai food. uber fantastic really.. should go thai once a week people! come to lemon grass.. lol =))
well, the once-itching-me-the-wrong-way manager is turning out to be a good help.
a little bit sharped tongued but he's not evil...
today he said i did better than yesterday =)) i tot it was the other way round...
thought i kind suck today. lol turned out the opposite. hehe cool

then during closing time... my old secondary school friends came screaming my name from afar.
i thought which idiots lah, haha... nice to see them...
then like shit lor... one of them named RP - republic poly - REJECT POLY!
hmph! but i must say, i had to say something... lol
kinda brainwashed them... then made them change their opinions. lol
RP IS A NEW POLY DAMN IT! not A DAMN REJECT!!! hmph!
woah, i didnt know i love rp so much. lol
but i daresay, RP is going to outshine the rest in our use of technology... so watch out people!

okay enough of this.
my mum started talking abt my future educations again.
i dont know really... she's thinking of local uni... but my dad is open to overseas uni...
i dont know... if i have to go overseas, i want to go to La Trobe Uni... dont know if gd anot..
still too early to pick and choose... must see first. then must consider bf's view next time right?
so yeahs... too early!!! im still in year 1 sem2... haha
but it's at the back of my plans... lets see... =))

the immediate challenge for me now is SEM 2 gpa.
i had a pathetic 2.4 PTS... cos of my lousy aims... i wanted to secure a C... lol
but have to up my pts to 3.8 PTS.... not impossible... quite easy actually...
i have to stop skipping class that's it... and AT LEAST STUDY OF 3 UTs... lol
so to those who want to study with me... esp shenath... pls let me know!!
this week UT is up! =(( dont have time to study... so much for wanting to score... haha
to shenath: i need week 2 maths tuition!!!

the next upcoming challenge is of course - PROFFESIONAL PROFILING.
CE POINTS ALSO... im sure i would be fine... not sure about shenath, lazy bum!
hmms let's see i have to promote some CE talks that SUI! IG is holding..
to RP PEEPS... as follows are the posters for the upcoming talks... i dont know if im releasing it too early but whatever.. this is just the rough gauge..
AND AND... i will be an usher for talks on 12TH(this friday), 17th and 18th talks! 12.30-1.30pm k!? please check ur webmails for more INFOs...

SUI! IG is giving out at least 20 points... so go mad k!!

and of course.. there's more =)) i hope jan dont kill me for putting this up... lol
jan is the Marketting Manager for SUI! IG... very very nice eh... =))

anyway... classmates... im not coming to school tmr.
i have a different agenda. lol =))
but i will be around school, so if you need me for anything.. call or sms... :))
see what you all want... AND I CANT FAST TMR! lol
hehe shit lah!! haha lets fast TUESDAY? can?

okay okay... ciaoz for now!
v v v v v v v v tired... yawns.

QUIZZES

2007-10-07T00:18:00.000+08:00

All these quizzes as follows are taken by me with careful thoughts and with a high level of honesty. Have fun! =))

Your Passion is Purple

Sophisticated and classy, you're a bit picky about sex.
You're more likely to be turned on by a fancy hotel room than a dirty flick.
Sex is fine enough, as long as it doesn't mess up your hair.
For you, sex is more about power and favors than actually pleasure.

What Color Is Your Passion?

*dont understand the last sentence.. nvm.

Your Birthdate: August 23

People wouldn't take you for a passionate person - and that's where they'd be wrong.
You can develop deep emotions quickly, and you're the type most likely to move in with someone after a few dates.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1

You are most compatible with people born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

** woah... 3 true loves? wow =)) IF ID ONLY HAVE MY HEART BROKEN ONCE, wow, im safe with shenath this time around.. I HOPE! lol *crosses fingers*

Your Dream Engagement Ring Has a Marquise Diamond!

Like most Marquise diamond wearers, you are sexy and impulsive.
You're also good at getting what you want in life, no matter what it is.
You tend to be successful at love, your career, and anything else you desire.
Think Victoria Beckham and Catherine Zeta Jones: proud wearers of this ring!

What's Your Dream Engagement Ring?

**so to GUYS who think of marrying me.. hehe you know what to get... *ermz, esp goes to bf* lol

Your Aura is Yellow

You're a deeply happy and content person, and you enjoy sharing your cheer with others.
While you may seem like a simple optimist, there is a lot of thinking going on inside you.

The purpose of your life: bringing joy and a better life to others

Famous yellows include: Conan O'Brien, Jenny Mccarthy, Jim Carrey

Careers for you to try: Athlete, Actor, Yoga Instructor

What Color Is Your Aura?

*ATHLETE? you got to be kidding me!!

Your Deadly Sins

Pride: 100%

Greed: 80%

Envy: 60%

Gluttony: 60%

Lust: 40%

Sloth: 40%

Wrath: 40%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 60%

You will become famous - and subsequently killed by a stalker.

How Sinful Are You?

*60% chance of going to hell. wow... haha shit! help.. lol

You Were Naughty This Year

You Were 70% Naughty, 30% Nice

You may not have been good this year...
But you sure had a really good time.
And nothing from Santa could top that!

Were You a Naughty Girl or Nice Girl this Year?

* at least only 70%... hehe! =))

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

** and i thought im up for fooling around... lol i guess what was my past. hehe

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer:

Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.
Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!

Why a Cancer will love you:

You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.
A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

*WOAH... i swear i didn't have the power to adjust this quiz... SHENATH is CANCER! lol

Your Heart is Feeling Safe

Right now, all is good with your heart. And you intend on keeping it that way.
Whether you're deeply in love or just looking, you know that your heart will be taken care of.
You never risk your heart too much, but you don't hold it back either. You know who to trust your heart with.

Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Getting a little too comfortable

Your current outlook on love: Calm and future oriented

Your love life will improve if you: Treat other people's hearts the way you expect yours to be treated

Watch out for: Taking the people you're dating for granted

What Is Your Heart Feeling?

*must be cos shenath is taking care of it great. =))

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!
Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.
If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.
You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

** professional gf? i didnt think so... hehe... =))

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are powerful, passionate, and dominant.
You have a vision of how things should be, and you do your best to make things happen.
People rely on you for your strength. You are a rock to many.

Underneath it all, you aren't so sure about your passions.
So many ideas spark your interest, it is hard for you to get behind a select few.
However, you see indecision as a sign of weakness. So you pursue your goals full force - no matter how foolish they turn out to be.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

**hmms kinda true...

Your Passion is Red!

You've got that spark - a good dose of intensity, power, and determination.
You do whatever you want in life ... to hell with what anyone thinks!
With so many interests and loves, you're always running around doing something new.
You have fire in your eyes, and it shows. Bet you're even wearing something red!

What Type of Passionate Woman Are You?

** yeah, i am wearing something red... lol

You Are an Intense Kisser

When you kiss, it's deep and powerful

You don't take kissing lightly

Your kisses always have meaning

And they always make your head spin

What's Your Kissing Style?

**lol. really? sexay...

You Are 90% Psychic

You are so very psychic.
But you already predicted that, didn't you?
You have "the gift" - and you use it daily to connect with others.
You're very tapped into the world around you...
Just make sure to use your powers for good!

Are You Psychic?

** WATCH out everyone! lol

Virgo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most.
You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions.
A good work ethic. You'll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work.

Your negative traits:

Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer
You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well
You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults.

Your ideal partner:

Values success in life as much as you do
Fits a checklist of qualities you've been looking for since childhood
Like you, is more practical and realistic than romantic

Your dating style:

Active. You're a bit hyper, so you'd prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking.

Your seduction style:

You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you're totally uninhibited
You like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheets
A bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love

Tips for the future:

Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.
Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.
Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated.

Best color to attract mate: Navy blue

Best day for a date: Wednesday

What's Your Love Profile?

** lol hehe... i think so ah.. haha but i think i have already implemented the tips for the future..

=))

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

**cool.. anyone thinks differently?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

** hmms nice quiz eh? :))

He's a Great Boyfriend

You guy definitely loves you and knows how to treat you right.
You have a five star boyfriend - so make sure you treat him right too!

Is He a Good Boyfriend?

** the last but not least.. hehe woah.. cool ah... GREAT BF. hmmss.. =))

madness

2007-10-06T12:18:00.000+08:00

so last night after posting, i gotten flu - AGAIN!
then have to wait for shenath... took so long.
but i understood ah, cos i feel that he is kinda neglecting his friends.
i dont want that lah. it seems quite wrong.
then turns out my hunce abt this is correct, he told me so.
anw, we have been spending too much time together, so i think it's time to create a schedule.
but then says him, it wont be a problem and all.
i dont know... lets see.

but i seriously have to commend him in his ways of thinking.
he has shown me a great deal of guts and something that i feel is very nice.
in our coming two months together, the worst hilarious moment was that we both mistaken it for another day!
lol 8-8-07 is NOT our anniversary!

he remembers the day, which is THURSDAY - but not the date, 9/8/07.
the worst for me is that, i didnt even remember until i had to look at the calendar.
i know it was during national day, so it cant be 8th! lol
OMG. haha i think i like 8 too much ah.
so note to self : it's 9/8/07 not ~~8/9/07~~ 8/8/07. lol see wrong again!

bimboism is ruling me! lol but gosh...
and to think we both are good in remembering dates!
hahaha crap lah. okay... should be fine.
our 2 months will be next tuesday. but both of us will be busy.
most prob just be seeing him during school time.
eehhh wait, just checked my schedule, im FREE! he's not =((
haiya nvm... he has a race to win! hehe then must think of a reward for him ready.
go shenath! run your best... im sure you can win it!
very nice... i will be covering his event also, cool eh?

im in the reporting crew of this institute-varstity-polytechnic(IVP) sports.
im covering netball which is starting on monday at Singapore Poly.
have to go there... im the photographer! yey.
i hope i wont end up taking pics of myself! =))
and also, like duh, track and field also.
such a waste the crew aint covering Contact Rugby for IVP =((
haha if not can see how shenath plays and can motivate.
the last time i went to watch, he was flying all over the place. sexay! haha

okay im going.
sick sick sick!!! bye

PICTURES | =))

2007-10-05T19:55:00.000+08:00

what i recentlydid...
I LOVE YOU DARLING!
we need to study soon, tests coming up next week ready.

the reasons why sons are very dangerous...

SUI! MODELS.. lol
CEO ZhiWang, Marketting AM Calvin, Operations AM Jean(ME!)

sheesh! dont know why i must take this pic... lol

Goofing around. CEO crazy ready!

CEO and DCEO siao ready. must send em to IMH

Merchandising AM Quennie, Operations AM Jean! =))

what the hell.. so constipated..

In Class just now! =))

The faci that NAT hates. and the dude in class i dislike! OPENLY!
**its that guy in the middle back. uggh**

This is what they are looking at... sorry NAT's grp! i think i kinda shoot you down.
bang bang! =)) muahs!

the day's fulfilment.

2007-10-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

today today today
was was was
very very very
tiring tiring tiring

lol im feeling so retarded today...
hmms i wonder why... (see the next few paragraph)

okay i went to school. managed to dragged myself off from bed.
but then developed flu so when i reached school, i was so weary!
manage to reach 15 mins late ONLY.
gosh. then the problem for today made my brain melted.
then later bf gave some itch on the emotions again.
but twas alright, nothing big. lucky... phew!

ouhs yeahs.. yesterday, after the photoshoot, went to meet shenath.
didn't want to actually due to the attitude he gave me the whole of yesterday.
he himself didn't want to meet. but at least we sorted things out.
so on my part, i apologised and reassured.
sorry darling... i love you! :)

then finally, we are fine!
=)) then today gotten sick... yawns.
so mr shenath insisted i left class to rest at his place.
was so tired i forgotten my fear of staying alone at his place...
yeah alone lah, he went back to class :)
today i have to say that he took care of me VERY VERY well :))
i gave him an A :))

anyway, lets talk about a fulfilment.
shenath had finally manage to bring me to this place he wanted to go last month.
(even when i sick oso still can go around ah.. haha this is what happens when he and i are together.)
he failed in getting into this nature place in singapore at first.
apparently, the second time he tried looking around, he found the place!
it was quite hard to get to the place actually;
quite tedious cos the place has this gates one need to squeeze into/ or climb!
even i cant get to that place... i seriously doubt i will find it interesting!

but it was eventually very very interesting.
i was quite afraid id get bruises or cuts or injury of some sorts, but at least he led me to the place gently.
sucha gentleman he is =))
the place was dewy. nature see... so yeahs
later on he had to rush to leave lah... uggh
then uber disgusting had to brush on those dewy part of the leaves all...
he has rugby training so no choice... =((
but.... he says he'll bring me to the place again. lets see...
hope it wont be that dewy the next time around =))

okay... yeah so that is our fulfilment!
okay okay maybe not lah. but today was quite insane.
shenath went late for his rugby training... PARTIAL ATTENDANCE! =))
darling... thanks for your socks ah... *sarcasm*

hmms anyway, wanna upload pics in my next entry.
got some retarded pics to show.
but for now.
this entry is for TODAY'S FULFILMENT.

LOL

2007-10-03T13:22:00.000+08:00

Daily Love for October 02, 2007
Provided by Astrology.com

Daily Couples:

Has your relationship been a touch too exciting lately? Yes, it's true -- even the best things in life can get wearisome if they go on for too long. Get some rest. A little peace and quiet will do you both good.

Weekly Love for October 01, 2007
Provided by Astrology.com
Monthly Love

A little extra attention ensures that your message comes across just as intended (and in a very compelling way, too!) as the week begins. Make sweet plans for Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday -- these are great days for fabulous, fun dates or for meeting intriguing new prospects, should you be on the market. Be ready to go with the proverbial flow on Friday and Saturday. What you end up doing could be even better than what you originally had scheduled. And Sunday kicks off a couple burning-hot days -- what will you do to celebrate?

Horoscope madness. lol

anyway i have something to show =))

Nice? COOL eh?

okay anyway. im just soo bored.
shenath's classmate made it... lol =)) thanks vic! nice knowing ya

shenath is NOT picking up the damn phone. dont know what he's up to for today's break. yawns.
oh well. nevermind...
anyway, i ate a huge meal. gosh
i dont think id be eating tonight... i had the Indonesian Ikan Bakar.

RP people should know how filling it is!!
gosh... but it was GOOD.
anyway... im soo bored bored bored!!!

okay.. got to go... for now...

My 2nd October

2007-10-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

today was alright.
i had science but i went off early.. due to external commitment...
i bet id get shit grade for today. i came late. why?

I LEFT MY WALLET in bus service 3 (route to punggol)
i had to change bus 88 for sengkang... then damn unlucky missed out my wallet.
damn it lah!

worst and greatest thing? the bus 88 is already in the expressway when i realize it's gone! lol
cant stop anywhere right? so i had to tell the driver my horrid situation.
lucky he gave me a free ticket for fare to punggol.
i had to chase bus 3 to punggol. (fingers were crossed all the way there)

called shenath straight away after my mishap.
he himself found it so way off... gosh
then called jan.. as usual he's late. so i thought i would go to school with him.
in the end he was very very late. so nvm... went to school alone after getting my wallet.
*to the one who returned my precious, thank you so much. may God bless! =))

so school was alright.. met shenath for the first break.
then came to class. my classmates were so surprise at the time i arrived. lol
but my team mates are great! they gave me work. hehe
i was in the backseat.. and i was enjoying it
later on in a while shenath left class for the hostel. he went to have his rest =))

and then i joined him.
then ah, i forgot one more thing!! my original external commitments.
lol end up having other plans.
spend time with bf and then to EXCO meeting. lol
to classmates... shhhh!!

now only i remember actually. lol
i told faci that i have to help out with some family stuff. lol
end up doing something else. shit. haha...
bet classmates wondering what is happening... tmr lunch time with them!
so can tell them... lol okay okay... but i didn't lie lah... :D

hmms anyway after spending time with bf, i went for EXCO meeting.
EXCO SUI! meeting... went on behalf of my manager so yeahs.
yawns. damn tired... then after that, finally spend time with JAN. haha
here are some pictures.. dont want to upload all.. im too tired.
so make do with five! =))

anyway, to boyfriend : sorry for making you pissed lah k.
didn't think it would bother you so much...
since it does, i wont have anything to do about it okay?
sorry... i love you.

Random|How come

2007-10-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

i was looking ard my links blog.
saw renee's... was intrigued that she reads horoscope.

then i thought i should read my monthly too :)) kepo... hehe :P
after reading it, i didn't know what to think. lol
so much for reading it. but some parts are right, some are little bit whacked. =))

just now met up with nurul.
had dinner and i tell you, i seriously cannot believe that a murtabak can be HUGE.
HUMONGOUS, GIGANTIC, MASSIVE
whatever the vocab, the portion was super huge.
took a pic of it but it's still in nurul's phone. i shall upload when i get it from her.

anyway, i ate like 1/3 of it, the other parts are choked on and forced swallowed.
then i gave up eating... i had to take it away :))

salihin ramli came too.
syed salihin was late... he came later at around 8.30pm
salihin and nurul offering me ciggarette just now.
as a mere test i think ... hmms... they went saying... "you're bf wont know what"
lol i tried to call ~~that idiot~~ shenath, in the end he never pick up.
oh well not fated and i doubt he will let me lah...
i left when syed salihin came, i wasn't in the mood for socialising.

the brothers are considered dead to me! haiz
i dont know lah... whatever... it's just my emotions i think.
they're kinda useless ready... :(

i miss everyone tho... like how it used to be...
late night ventures, happening moments.
but then it's gone lah..

today shenath looked nice in the formal top =))
gosh i can melt seeing guys like that... hehe
so guys who want to get noticed... hehe please wear formal outfits. *melts*
okay okay. stop ranting... hehe *jean, you're attached* lol
anyway, shenath still takes the no. 1 spot eh heh? :D

before i signed off.

this is a song dedicated to my old peeps... haiz
the special ones :((

words of advises

2007-10-01T11:25:00.000+08:00

okay.
lets see, i think i have some things to say.

firstly, to Jo.
dude, you know what ive already advise you on. i hope that you will listen to that advise.
me and the rest of the class will help you out but the only person who can really help is YOU.
my ultimate advise : dont put your past into your present, you will invite shits, especially if our past is negative.
we are not your usual people who will just chuck you aside.
we are a class and for this whole long semester, you have to adjust.
me and nat will be helping in a little way.
you're the only one who can help yourself tremendously.
=)) we're sure you can do it!

secondly, to Nurul.
i feel sorry for your discovery.
it is really very hard to get over an ex flame. no one say it is easy. esp if you have bonded so long. you know what is your rights and you know what weakness you have that has been tested so far by adi.
but i hope you do realise that now you have someone with you who loves you.
im sure you have no problem loving another time around.
i think you're more receptive to new loves faster than me. so i expect that you will be okayy.
i believe hafiz will be a wonderful guy for you.
if he deemed not so, it's okay.. just have fun with him aites.
and if really REALLY cannot, and if mine oso dont work out, we'll go LES?!

anyway, there are old friends in the same things as nurul.
JAS.
been long since ive chatted with you man. missed the 'days of our lives'.
the conferences and of course the times we all had drinking ventures. lol
words to jas : please cherish the one you are with now.
i know kaze is stil someone you really care for and all. but life is meant to be forward moving.
i know you know that we have already talked about this. =))
this is a gentle reminder.
GOOD LUCK WITH FIONA =)) good to know you're attached!

lets review who is my oldest social circle who is attached (with new people)
starting with me...
- MARY JEAN + SHENATH THOMAS
- NURUL + HAFIZ
- JASVENDER + FIONA
- LING + some rich guy GUARDS dude.
- RYAN + lyana(i think) (they been on so long i dont know whether to count em or not)
- DANIEL + i dont know the name. lol
- DARYL + some lady who no one tell me what is her gd pts. i know her negative but im not stating here. must respect fellow ladies :)

anyway, good luck to all those attached.

be happy... remember treat your other halfs right... =))

work | revelations

2007-09-30T13:37:00.000+08:00

went to work yesterday - lemongrass thai restaurant (pasir ris branch)
it was damn packed.
there was a lot of work to do... my kind of thang.
i prefer doing something than just standing around...
when i came in for work i was a lil bit taken aback at the number of reserved seats.
then store manager said there is 95 pax reservations.
that is not counting the extra people those guest brought along with them.

it was a real nice semi cardio exercise :))
despite wearing a kebaya, i was feeling alright.
my shoes were a little bit slippery... i think i almost slipped in the kitchen entry for like 5 times.
wonderful.. lol

but i was a lil bit pissed at work too!
store manager suck the blood outa me. damn shithead lah
i hate it when someone gives imprecised directions/orders.
if he can tell it to me once, i will know it straight...
he DONT even know how to direct me to do things...
he just know how to give VAGUE directions... but whatever.. i hope i can avoid him most weekends. lol
cant help it... my aunt aint the owner anymore.. cant do anything but to do proper work.
haiz... but the best part? im getting pay very soon! yey

i have to save money though.

ive been spending a lot... actually i always spend a lot... haiz

i cant help it... but im alright with handling other's money... i just cant handle mine... at least not now...

i have to learn tho... for my future too...

talking about future.
last night, i was having a talk with my mum...
and it has made me set a long term goal. a wonderful goals in life...
but it would need a lot of me... i just hope i can do it.
after graduation, i shall have to test things to implement it.
as of now, i wont reveal it yet...
but it's about business... here in singapore and in the philippines.
i have enough back ups but i want to start with my capital together with parents' help.

i guess this is the way i can help my family gain what we have lost along the way in life.

life has taken a lot from us... failure after failure has reduced us to something that is not satisfactory to my eyes anymore.

with the talk i had with mum, i found out how important i am through connections.
i also found out who we are connected with.. and i found out how an important family has been run down by failures.
haha there are a lot of important people in my family actually.
now then my mum reveal to me...

i was wowed.
haha i aint going to say it here... i dont want to attract wrong events to me know =))

i know im important. that's it... =)) hehe

haloween and time management

2007-09-29T14:26:00.001+08:00

haloween is upcoming and i still havent really decided whether to go or not
i mean i am thinking of all the possibilities.
laura says that the haloween bus still hasnt confirmed anything..
she will of course contact the i/c and i hope there really is
i mean $25/person bringing you in the most happening clubs around spore?
with free entry and free flow? =)) *heaven*

especiall to shenath, that idiot will go if there is free flow! haha
i just hope it will be damn happening...
well, so far i have thought about being a;
1. Gothic Fairy Princess

2. A vampire bride

and then i got attached... i thought about being...

and then shenath wanted to be zorro! so i might be elena...

anyway, i have a little big dilemma because i have to start saving doing my time management up a notch, i am very much eaten up with a lot things. hardly even have time to rest...
as of now...

i have
1. SUI! Operations DepartmentWelfare section
2. Institue-Varsity-Polytechnic Sports Reporting Crew Job
3. Social Circle
4. Boyfriend
5. Sleep

this is in random order...
but the boyfriend part is in my priority list but he will be a little bit inactive as we will both be busy doing our own things.
see how we have discipline! =))

anyway, i hope i will get around to joining laura and the rest. =))
it's going to be fun filled joy and laughter... lol

anyway, if you people out there would want to come and join us, let me know.
also, if you have any suggestion for any couples haloween costume get-ups, let me know...
call me, sms me, email me... and tag me if you want. but email me (as usual) is better... hehe
or you can find me in MSN, friendster... whatever... =))

toodles!

Schedules

2007-09-27T19:58:00.000+08:00

hectic is the word for today
i cut class but it seems as if i even benefitted from it
usually when i do so, i actually chill out and have fun
in the day's case, i was running around madly...
oh and please hold your horses in the imagination side, im not going mad or anything!
im very much mentally fine, just a little bit untuned but im alright =))

anyway, today i finally got my computer reformatted
IT help desk was really worth it when you come to RP
whatever happens to your laptop - in terms of system down - you can get it fixed, re-fixed - whatever =))
this is one of the things i appreciate in school
okay well, shenath gave me the key to his hostel so apparently i am able to get some rest, of which i didn't even have time to do so!
so in the end i waited for him...
this week i must say, it's like a shenath-jean fiesta...
the last three days... today's the fourth...
i have been spending like 90% of my time non-class period time with him.

anyway, i really hope jan rick mascarina isn't going to hate me
he himself is very busy actually...
**wish you all the best for your entrepenuership stuff!**
then my so-called clique - me, cody, sandy, yihao, vanessa - are like out of touch
when they want to meet up, i have to refuse, then they will complain...
and then when i have the time, they neglect THAT time...
haiz... very hard lah. i dont really want to make a big fuss but i hate it when people say that i have neglected important friends.
i never chose to do that okay...
my boyfriend isn't that type of person who wont understand if i need my own time...
so please people, i dont need anyone telling me that i have been a very bad friend.
i juggle whatever i can... family, friends, boyfriend(s), school, work, social events, whatever...
i just hope you all can understand that i am very limited as i have only been blessed with one body.
i promise here with my blogders as my witness that i will make time for every important people who deserve more of me.
but please try to consider my limitations...
thank you

anyway, ling darling... it isn't intentional that i didn't tell you about sisters meetings...
i smsed you're hp but you have already changed it... of which i only got to find out last night when you smsed me goodnight... so im sorry if it has seemed that way.
apparently, nurul cancelled on me on the last minute, hajar's granny passed away and she isn't in the mood, plus she's working.
hidayah is the ONLY one who didn't even respond! please read this please read this - hehe
i feel very much detached from all those special people in my life...
even jan seemed to be so detached...
i wake him up whenever i can via calls, but that's all i can do... he seems so out and about, without anymore consultations from me..
but i know he's still there... im not worried... that bitch needs me... =)) haha
anyway, to all my friends, please dont ever detach yourself from me, no matter how much you think i neglect you.
I DONT... i am genuinely busy... even me and my boyfriend have to schedule our meetings.
i really hope ya'll understand!

to those affected... im so sorry.
i'll make it up to you all....

monday 1/10/07 - nurul
tuesday 2/10/07 - 5/10/07 = still up for booking okay
wednesday 3/10/07 - SUI! photoshoot/videoshoot and boyfriend

anything call me beforehand okay.
thank you

School madness

2007-09-26T14:55:00.000+08:00

school is getting more hectic each day.
i feel diminished... the start of the day was alright, it went well...
second week of school and it feels really wonderful... it's still the honeymoon period!
okay, my classmates are really fun also. spontaneous and great... what else can i say?
today class did a skit today...

these few days my moods rather good... it really is still nice to be so fun loving
and being full of love, i will force vomit to itch out of your throats...
however, i really ain't that bad... im not going to let you suffer... i still want to have a descent blogdership...
anyhoo, love department is getting better!
friend department is getting whacked!!! new friends, new social circles but i still want the olds..

anyway, talking about the OLDs, i will be meeting nurul tomorrow!
hell yeah! hehe i really miss her!!!! =))
nurul sayang... so we shall have sex tmr! are you ready...? hehe kinky!
okay well, it doesn't matter with the time apart, our friendship is LOVE. true love... haha
now now, shenath... dont be jealous... hehehe...

im so sleepy... and for some reason i really like colors lately...
it's wonderful really.. =)) okay anyway, this post will not go really colorful okay..

i dont know what to say now. i want to do a post but i cant continue typing anymore...
i have lots to say! but im lazy to type. so, for now... take care!!!

but before i go, i want you ppl to see this!!

friendster questions

2007-09-24T15:01:00.000+08:00

came across a friendster test whatever.
nothing to do so i did it... here it is...

YOU OPENED IT.. NOW YOU HAVE TO DO IT
OR YOU'LL NEVER BE WITH THE PERSON YOU
LOVE AND BE
HONEST. . DON'T CHICKEN
OUT. . . .

1) Single , Taken , Naked , or Flirty ?
- Taken

2) Are you happy with that ?
- yeah.

4) Have you ever had your heart
broken ?
- yep. duh

5) Do you believe that there are
certain circumstances where cheating
is ok ?
- haha yeah i think so. but not to me YET.

7) Have you ever talked about marriage
with another person ?
- indirectly, yeah. got proposed to even but took it as a joke... haha

8) Do you want children ?
- yeah... i think so most probably!

9) How Many?
- one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... haha jk. at least ONE

10) Would you consider adoption ?
- if i cant have my own child, maybe!

11) If someone liked you right now,
would you want them to tell you ?
- DUH! but just dont seduce me lah. im attached! haha

12) Do you want someone you can't
have ?
- hmmms i think i always get what i want. so far it has been like that...

13) Have you fallen in love?
- yes. once... and the second is still nurturing..

14) Do you believe in celebrating
anniversaries ?
- yes. i think it's a reminder for the couple to be MORE lovey dovey with each other.
just need to spend time together, HAPPY. =))

15) Do you believe that you can change
for someone ?
- if it's for good, yes. but definitely NO if it goes against my morality.

16.) Is it a good day ?
- yes. meeting my bf later! =))

17) Have you ever broken a heart
before ?
- err im sorry for those broken hearts... not really v serious in rships at those points.

18) Does your ex still have feelings
for you ?
- "shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice!" so i dont want to know... it still wont work, so why try again!

19) Do you still have feelings for
him?
- i cant love two people at the same time... i love my boyfriend, so go figure!

ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AND REPOST AS:
RELATIONSHIP SURVEY

[01] Do you still have feelings for
your ex?
+ WTF. ALL THE SURVEY HAVE THIS QUESTION. MY ANSWER? NO.

[02] Have you ever gave roses?
+ to my girlfriends... ehhh reminds me. i WANT ROSES!!!! =((

[03] What is your all-time favorite
romance movie?
+ ROMEO AND JULIET

[04] How many times have you honestly
been in love?
+ twice... now im in nurturing a new love.. hehe

[05] Do you believe that everyone has
a soul-mate?
+ yes... i think this is true but is very much under rated...

[06] Whats your current problem?
+ ENTERPRISE module. haha okay.. no problem so far...

[07] Have you ever had your heart
broken?
+ duh!

[08] Long Distance Relationships?
+ NO!!

[09] Have you ever seen a friend as
more than a friend?
+ it depends. but most of the time, not really...

[10] Do you believe the
statement, "Once a cheater always a
cheater"?
+ NO, but it will be hard not to believe it.

[11] How many kids do you want to have?
+ at least ONE

[12] What is(are) your favorite color
(s)?
+ RED, PINK, BLACK

[14] Do you believe you truly only
love once?
+ i dont think so... im a living proof!

[15] Imagine you're 79 and yur spouse
just died, would you get re-married?
+ LIKE NO. im so saggy ready... and i think i will love till eternity... but i still dont know... one day i will...

[16] At what age did you start
noticing the opposite sex?
+ 8!

[17] What song do you want to hear at
your wedding?
+ Once upon a December -

[18] Do you know someone who likes you?
+ yes!

[19] Do you like anyone?
+ yes!

[20] Are you currently in love?
+ of course!

i think im quite honest with the answers.
anyway, im going to present very soon, ima go on for now...

random updates

2007-09-23T15:49:00.001+08:00

i spent my last day of the weekend being such a major bimbo
i forgot the pin number of my mum-owned ocbc card.
of which got retained at an atm machine...
i so totally got yelled at initially when i told her the horrid news.
then later i guess she manage to cool down...
i hid in my room for the whole 30mins
i didn't want to come out lest she starts nagging... i cant very well lose my temper out of my own mistakes...
all i can do to shield myself is to just admit my mistake and tell her that it really was a mistake - people like me makes those type of mistakes... bimbo of me really.

anyway, i bid this bimbo nature goodbye.
i am going to have good night sleep-nights, no matter what is the cost!
this coming week starting from tomorrow i shall sleep in early =)
and i hope the bf motivates me... and not just laugh!!
well, my fellow classmates has seen my worst retarded ways. at least during the days...
*please overlook that... hahahaha

i have also started work at Lemongrass thai restaurant.
i must say that it is really quite exciting but i stilll cannot say anything good about the duty manager.
haiz... oh well it is always in my mentality that roses, no matter how beautiful, has thorns.
one can never have such a perfect world without the ugly sides of it.
but i certainly wont take any nonsense from him.
that's the final thing... i consider myself great at work...
so if he is prepared to find another ME, of which i doubt he can get in a million years, then he can test my patience.
my mum told me to not mind these people as long as they dont affect you directly.
never let them eat you up inside... push them out as much as you can.
and so to mum i will listen... i have to =))

okay, about me and my friends now.
i really feel that i haven't been meeting all you people there...
thank you for always still remembering me - i cant help it if im hard to forget
anyway, to the sisters too, i really miss you guys...
nurul, you really must make time for me okay... i love you babe
and to hid, haj, ling... the 5 of us are still as always - sisters
no matter the time that has seems to distance us, i know that we can always regain that miles apart.

anyway, me and shenath are okay already like as you all have been reading.
i am really happy that some things me and nurul shared is not getting in our ways anymore.
nurul is also afraid but at least we are both happy in love! =))
err as in with OUR BFs... not with each other. we love each other. but not IN LOVE with each other... haha
okay whatever it is.
shenath is really someone who teaches me how to love indirectly.
his love for me motivates me to open up to him... further than any guy can actually dare try
i know i am not easy to be handled by anyone due to my stubborn nature, but he makes me want to let that guard down.
just not yet... at least not yet...
i am glad he understand that i need more time to evaluate my feelings for him.
i think daryl has hurt me enough in the past to refrain and discourage myself from loving another.
but this time, im sure shenath will be there.
if however he fails in a long run, i wouldn't regret having met him...
but shenath is someone who is becoming my hero...

darling... never stop the way you are being...
i love the way we love and we are the best fit so far...
i will give you the best of me... i love you...

Thinking

2007-09-23T03:06:00.000+08:00

another song dedication from the bf.

anyway, im not asleep at this time cos im thinking.
thinking about what?

i really dont know. i feel happy about some things and yet i cannot define it at a definite point of reasoning.
i can say that my life is unfolding quite wonderfully and yet i cannot let myself be complacent.
i have my responsibilities and i have already set a standard that i have to uphold.

so do forgive me if my postings of the late isn't that up to my normal standards.
thank you for reading and visiting anyway.
okay anyway, i have to go try and sleep.
i have to wake up early tomorrow - things to do!

good night.
so

jean, cooking?

2007-09-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

Cooking madness...
Updating tonight... im late for work!!!

smiles!

2007-09-22T01:18:00.000+08:00

it's so good to be in good terms with shenath again
i thought i would still have those discontentment and all
lucky he's such a good boyfriend, MOST OF THE TIME, lol.
anyway, i felt i was so unfair previously, like i didn't think about the happy times with him and all that.
so anyway, i got some nice news!

1. i went through first week of school without skipping any classes!
2. started work at lemongrass thai restaurant
3. still working sidelines at 2hot!
4. starting out on my Professional Profiling project tittle ideas! =))
5. my new class rocks!

okay, im damn sleepy.
updating soon!!! =))

happy again

2007-09-20T15:51:00.001+08:00

we have survived 5 days of disaster
3 days of thunderstorm
2 days of tornado/typhoon
good thing, i thought i will have four failed love life this year
phew...
anyway, he gave me the choice to decide
but he was convincing enough
and yes, ive been a bitch
and he's been an asshole
[so please darling, no more trying each other's patience]

im going to be fine
ive told him my problem
and im glad he respect my limitations
he better keep to our agreements
or id drop everything i agreed on to
=))

so nurul, either it is over
or you'd be over...
cos this time i think would be the only time
we would have this disasters
UNLESS HE DO SOMETHING MORE HORRIBLE

reasonings

2007-09-19T12:23:00.000+08:00

last night as things went across my mind
as i lay thinking about some things;
about how much love and discontent i have felt
and how much i can dare to try again
so since i couldn't sleep i crept to my mummy's room
to see my dear brother and to calm myself
i saw how my mum was; tired and exhausted
but she's still holding on
for the love she felt for my brother
but they are of blood so love comes naturally
blood love is unconditional and is natural in my family
so is so any other love...?
pondering over the things that i hardly knew
i hardly felt nor hardly even thought would happen
eats me up more often than not
somehow however i have already thought about my answer
later when i meet him, i know what it will be...
however, his actions towards me will still either spoil or improve my decision...

Apathetic

2007-09-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

the earlier poem i made
seems to be contradicting me
i feel like i want to let it burn
but a part of me wanna try again

im too indecisive when im hurt
when im slumber lacking
and when i know im right
with my fault admitted

emotions rush to me
something that i cant help
something i wont seem to handle
even if i can id just let this hurt be

nothing seems correct right now
someone says to give him a chance
another says to let it die
but i dont know

at least not now
at least not yet
maybe tomorrow id know
maybe tomorrow id see the answer

so for now
hold tight
and enjoy my emo days
like you've seen my happy ways

TO MY BEST GUY FREN

2007-09-18T21:45:00.000+08:00

i dedicate this post to jan rick mascarina...
in due reason of being such a bitch and a horrible best girl-friend

jan huwag kang iiwak ha pero this is from my heart.
i love you my friend, my bitch, my slut... whatever...

yihao has told me about how you felt about the other day
i didn't think you mean what you said about sa pagka time mo time mo, pag sya, sya lang...
i know i haven't been such the bgf that i ought to be
and i can tell you that i haven't been a good girlfriend either.
so parang sa totoo fair and square lang kayo

i have told you that i will divide accordingly my time for you
cos i know that nasanay kana sa akin...
and i think that even ako din nasanay na
i can see you're not the same either...
parang naging malayo ka...

sa buong days ng holidays hindi man kita na meet
not because 24/7 ko syang kasama pero kasi i was busy with work too
since holiday yun, si aunty ko nag-ask na i work more...
pero huwag mo sanang naisip na hindi ko even plan to meet you at all those days apart form last sunday
i did but you were busy and i feel unfit to go out either...
maske nga magpunta sa bash ng friends ko hindi ko nagawa eh...

pero i want you to know that you are one friend that i know understands me and dont judge me.
no matter how bitchy i am to you... it is for you own good you know... diba
and thank you for the advises you think i didn't heed
i did but not as a whole... pero konti per konti..
huwag na huwag mong iisipin na he's ~~taking you away from me...~~oops i mean he's taking me away from you... lol gays
no he isn't... he respects our friendship no matter how anti-social he may seem diba?
maske ask him pa, kapag merong time na maske sino na maynasasabi or nagtatanong nag seksualidad mo, de-nedepensa kita.
alam na alam nya yun, kaya alam nya to respect our friendship.

also, yung araw na yun, i didnt know you mean it na nagalit ka
parate kanaman kasing demanding as a joke diba.
so i guess hindi ko take yun seriously.
so talagang talaga im sorry if i ever made you feel less important than you were before.
i haven't been myself lately...
even with shenath, i haven't been myself lately...
now however that i have finally figured out why i felt as such, i can tell shenath about the things im going to tell him tomorrow.
pero hindi pala nyon tungkul sa bitch ko.
tungkul yun so indecisiveness ko.
at sa mixed emotion na nararamdaman ko
and i think you have subsconciously made me feel guilty...

so i think this should help.
sa lahat nagkulang sa aking friendship for you, sorry.
sa lahat ng mga nasasabi kong hindi maganda, im sorry.

this whole entry is dedicated to you, my friend.
thank you for always being there...
and for not judging me horrible even for everything that i did that you know about.
thank you that even tho hindi mo gusto si shenath, you still understood me.
and thank you for being protective over me.
thank you for being my pillar...

thank you dear friend...
and im sorry for everything horrible a bgf can ever do.
muacks! haha

this is you and me
just that you're shrek
and im donkey
=)) okay?

love,
jean

Something some people need to know

2007-09-18T16:20:00.000+08:00

no we have not broken up
and no im not gonna give up
unless he wants to
im not letting go
unless it's impossible
it's just probable

you can say what you want
say we wont last for a month
i dont give a damn
cos im holding on my man
but if he choose to let things go
id just sadly let it be so

Rude Awakening

2007-09-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

Do you ever have that dream
Where you're walking naked down the street
And everyone just stares
Do you ever feel so deep
That you speak your mind
To put others straight to sleep
You wonder if anybody cares
Sometimes I think I'm the only one
Whose day turned out unlike it had begun

And I feel bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
cause I'm bare naked
And i know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

Do You ever go downstairs to start your day
But your car's not there
Yeah you know the joke's on you
You ever try your luck with a pickup line
But you just sucked
You tell yourself it wasn't you
And I know it's hard to hold it inside
It's days like these I run and hide

When I feel bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
Cause I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

It's all a state of mind
But I don't mind trying to find a way
To keep my head above the mess I make
What the world creates
Sometimes it feels so good to let it all fall
As the world fall
I may fall
We all may fall
And then the world comes tumbling
Down down down down down

I'm bare naked
And I just can't take it
I'm getting jaded
No I just can't fake it anymore
Cause I'm bare naked
And I know life's what you make it
Wish I could float away
To some other day

When I feel
I feel (bare naked)
You feel
We all feel
Yeah no no no

My tea's gone cold, i'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad
It's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there,
They'll all imply that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad
It's not so bad and

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

Push the door,
I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me

And I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

I FINALLY KNEW

it has to lay on us
the sides of relationships that i hate
i brought it to us
i ended such a happy love
but im at my weakest point now
all i needed was for your shoulders, your hands, your arms
your compassion to feel and understand me

me and myself have things going on
there are things that i've yet to deal
it does not say i dont love you anymore
it's a mere wait
a wait that is up to you to take

there are things we said
things that we're meant to be said
but it is said anyway
the unhappiness crashes in
the warmth turned to cold
but my love for you is deep
now this i know

and that's what i really want to know
i guess i have found out
in the most painful way
as a tear drop when you held me
i knew im really loving you

as another set of tears drop for making us this way
i know im really loving you
then as emotions overwhelm me
i know i am really loving you
and as you said somethings that hurt
of which you didn't think it didn't
i felt the ache,
and then i know im really loving you

that's all to say for now
if things do work
or even if it didn't; nothing matters
cause i know i really do love you
that's all there is
there isn't anymore

new beginning

2007-09-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

w45f

!!here i come!!

day out

2007-09-16T14:05:00.001+08:00

i like these.. the start of the beauty of sunset

yesterday i went out
spent the whole day and early night at vivo and sentosa
original plan was to go see fort canning park
but we en route to vivo

i met shenath first
got 20mins late and he was so moody
a hungry man is an angry man...
when we finally met, all there was between us was eye contact and i was trying to comfort him.
i dont know if that was enough. i dont know how to approach a moody guy
so anyway, we didn't talk until marriot exit from orchard mrt
shithead really. so i was like fine... let him cool down
then before turning to the escalator, i was DRAGGED by the rugger
and my toe got slammed on the jag of the escalator... the skin got peeled off and i was semi bleeding...
i just shut up and i didnt talk much...
at far east i tried to console him again, but it went wasted...
so yeahs... i continued to just shut up. so much for trying anyway...

anyway, i didn't pay any mind to him anymore up till he started any conversation
so he did and i responded when i have to.
you sisters would know if im pissed i talk less...
later on i saw people giving out balloons, went crazy and i felt a lil bit better when i got one
the power of the balloons! =))

anyway, at plaza singapura where we walked from far east, he gave me a tight hug of reconciliation.
but i dont know, i still felt a bit reluctant.
i guess it was the exhaustion and the shocked i got from the way i got 'dragged'
hmm i never will know.. but it lasted till the night... and i was sooo damn tired.

shenath and i went out with dilan and tharaka
dilan is shenath's closest friend and gay buddy,
and tharaka is dilan's all-time girlfriend... they're practically married...

met them at plaza singapura and we traveled to harbourfront (vivo)
we were at the level3 all through
playing with the water and then to hogs breath cafe
to have some drink... thats it...
spent my last bucks there.. of which i really dont know how i manage to spend my $90 at one go...
... for transport and i dont know the rest.
i didn't spend anything yesterday apart from the cafe...
so yeahs... bet the rest went to other things and transport
i hate mrt fares.. so expensive.. haha

whatever it is i did enjoy my holidays.
problem now is when school reopen..
i will be damn busy again...
i dont know if i will have time for boyfriend still but im sure i will find the time...
i have to... dont want to neglect him now right...

anyway, i would like to show you the beauty of the sun set.
i love it... also, i have pictures for you to see of yesterday...

here goes...

me and him

thara and dilan

random

thara and dilan

hog's breath cafe - nice chill out place

our self-portrait

his hugs are always tight
ooops

the water couple - me and shenath stayed most dry

he's wet at the wrong places

and so is she... haha
the siloso beach changed a lot =((

arabian prince wannabe

my arabian and i
who's that girl...?

dedicated

2007-09-15T02:32:00.000+08:00

bed of roses - bon jovi

open arms - journey

woman - john lenon

Woman I can hardly express
My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness
After all I'm forever in your debt
And woman I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success
Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man
Please remember my life is in your hands
And woman hold me close to your heart
However distant don't keep us apart
After all it is written in the stars

Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Wellll

Woman please let me explain
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
So let me tell you again and again and again

I love you, yeah, yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah, yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah, yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah, yeah

and i love her - the beatles

I give her all my love
That's all I do
And if you saw my love
You'd love her too
I love her

She gives me everything
And tenderly
The kiss my lover brings
She brings to me
And I love her

A love like ours
Could never die
As long as I
Have you near me

Bright are the stars that shine
Dark is the sky
I know this love of mine
will never die
And I love her

Bright are the stars that shine
Dark is the sky
I know this love of mine
will never die
And I love her, ooh

my girl - the temptation

RANDOM2

2007-09-14T15:20:00.000+08:00

after doing this, i did the following, to fill my time.
at least before i head on to the cafe =))

'fresh' from bed with my elmo sleeping dress

still insane...

spying on the neighbours... hehehe jobless

i found this in my folders... lol

this happens during the SUI! Camp.
it is the compilation of all the stupid dare that was executed in the game of EMPEROR
it may be blurry but try to see the part where jan had to hug a girl.
hahaha... imagine jan go straight!! it's going to be so fucked! haha
i will throw him a party sia. but no no no, later i cannot be bff with him.
will be weird lah. hahaha he being a guy would be soo ewww. hahaha
id rather he stick to his own sexual disorientation. then it can be more fun...
people like jan are fun with girls. no need to fear being raped. hahaha

anyway, check this out...

credits to Hid for showing me this.

this was taken months and months ago
during the POC3 period
well, i just thought id relive this memory =))
and i still say that 'captain jack' looks so like someone i know...
someone the sisters know... dont you think?

addiction singing Bebot! twas damn cool
i want to go for another concert!!

bit blury. hmm but Blanco was hot. haha
Go Rivermaya! =))
sucha Filipino pride...

and of course not forgetting...
me and my boyfriend
haha

oh and did you know that there is a formula for love?

okay.
good day for now
loves!!!

random

2007-09-14T02:56:00.001+08:00

my dear brother frowning like my dad. haha

i think im being so random with the pictures

see how bimbotic me and jan can be...

anyway, im starting to miss school badly.
oh and i forgot to announce it here.

MY SEMESTER 2 CLASS IS W45F.

i only know two guys - liang dong and alif
okay anyway, i want to sleep now.
the earlier escapades i have with the boyfriend is getting to me..
okay.
night!!!

Nostalgia Weird

2007-09-13T01:44:00.000+08:00

i woke up without my left hand,
it got stuck somewhere in between the world of dreams and reality...
of which to say i lay on it and thus causing it to numb.

Metaphorically, id like to think that my hand got stuck in another world;
another neighboring plane(dimension)

Panic struck me! as it always does...

Each time this happens, i felt the same pang of adrenaline rush-
the same momentous fear..

The numbness i felt made my poor hand jelly-like,
as much as it seemed lifeless, bone-less, gone, detached...
lost in time... frozen in time...

Minutes later as i became more aware, warmth rushes back to the frozen region of my arms and hands.

I shook it gently, then i hugged it closer to me.
I willed it to warm and evoke the horrid numbness.
Then... start went my day...

The day was rough in the beginning,
irritable moments threatened to spoil my mood...
It succeeded but the encouragement from the man in my life made it hard to keep myself mood out.
No matter he be with me or not, he's able to make me feel better.

Last year - Singapore Idol 2006

On the way to work, i saw the one person i had thought i will never see anymore...
Azim, The player turned Illusionist...

When i saw him, memories flooded me.
All the childish pranks and the entire memories of the coolest group in my alma mater.
We exchanged stories and news about the old members.
We recounted and recalled memories that lead to me, azim and his friend, bursting into fits of laughters.
Also, there came the all-time controversial event in the group, even in the school.
the Shaistah-Azim-Hajar relationship.
Then Azim stopped to recall Shaistah saying, "Mary she's damn beautiful right?"
I dont know whether to call him an asshole or to just mock him dry really...

Anyway, more info can be found about my old clique at my past post - NOSTALGIC ME
Our conversations went from exchange of news to the entire past of our clique, even our carpark tag.
it was really retarded. i miss every moment of it

but then he has to alight, sad to part but maybe all of us can meet once again.
at least before i die or something... haha
Then as he left, the laughters over the memories forced a smile on my face.
left like an idiot smiling to myself, but i know it only shows through my eyes...
It lingered there for quite awhile and then back to reality.

at work, i was visited by Nurul darling.
I totally miss her... so wonderful to see her... my walking diary
then something made me squirm inside.
SHE'S OFFICIALLY ATTACHED!!! like wtf haha...
and then came that sickening feeling i always dread.
after she told me, i know i have to be careful... i have to...

this is something only she and i know.

in the cafe today, something moved my heart.
Love.

Yes, L-O-V-E...
there was this couple that i served tonight.
the man appeared normal at first glance, but the second look gave away his mild disability. physical disability
he has apparently suffered stroke.
a strong one, enough to ensure it is evident.
the lady with him stood by him, still looking protective and proud with the man she is with, no matter how physically wrong he is.
i give my respect and of course i honor her.

it shows how much she love him.
how much she is there to stick to him, to be with him.
it shows how much love is under rated in the midst of the 21st century.
21st century's love is infatuation that has imitated itself like love.
only that this infatuation last a certain length of time.
that only when something goes wrong after weeks or a month, they'll know that they aren't in love enough to give their 100% nor their willingness to try.

i am amaze at how much i have life knowledge by looking at others.
sometimes i fear looking at my own ways and life.
i fear that by looking at myself, i would end up hating myself.
i would end up hating the way i am... i did before but i went past that phase already.
just that, what if,only what if, something comes to surface and i cant fight it anymore.
and thus spoil the relationship i have.

it doesnt matter.
time will reveal itself... it time spin it's yarn...

but now, just see the beauty of the moon

island fantasy

2007-09-12T01:09:00.000+08:00

a new place that i saw in the email...
Sidapan, Sabah... take in the nice, tranquil idea this place gives you...
make this one of your fantasy island.
i know i am doing a mental note of it... a nice way to eat up the sleepless night
moreover, thinking up a nice fantasy getaway tires the mind and forces you to take it to the realm of dreams.
so i shall take that opportunity to dream.

i shall leave you scrolling up and down for the magnificence of mother earth

Book Review

2007-09-10T01:46:00.000+08:00

i have filled my two weeks reading a trilogy by Trudi Canavan
i borrowed it paying no mind to who the hell is the writer and it's title.
but after sometimes, i grew fond of its story.
i like the story that portrays the innocence of the main character.
im amazed at how she list out different accounts of different character without giving her reader confusion.
she made a world that overwhelmed me and penetrated my imaginations.
it is wonderful...

book1

book2

book3

there is a sequel THE TRAITOR SPY TRILOGY...
i just hope that the sequel is available in singapore.

but anyway, the book3 of the Black Magician's Trilogy is so heart warming.
so nice and so unpredictable...
the story is nice for me. maybe you people want to check it out.
i have no particular book genre to follow, i just read whatever there is.
i think it's cos of my love for books...
i just read whatever =))

anyway, it's getting late.
i have early day in school tomorrow! =))

Feeding your eyes

2007-09-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

lets feed your eyes with pictures from my day out with the boyfriend.
to celebrate our anniversary of which we had totally forgotten to wish each other, due to the fun we were having so much, we head down to Singapore Botanic Gardens.

i had feared that it would not go as i have envisioned it to be.
then it proved me wrong as the day went along... it was significantly better...
to top it up, we ended the day very much satisfied and obvious raving happy.

the boyfriend was having some moods, but soon it was forgotten as our day progressed and ended. he felt ludicrous having mood swings... haha

anyway, to those lovers out there, i must say, you got to go and visit the Singapore Botanic Gardens.
to look around, walk around and even to have your non-existence heart-to-heart chats in the midst of your busy schedule...
also, do look out for more places of love-interest... next week, shenath and i will go for another long day! hehe

so here they are....

take a look at this face, this is a fresh one at the start of the day... haha

this is the first pic i took when i came into the Garden

then the boyfriend had his candid shot...

the swan lake. the swans only came out at dusk. weird. haha

this is one of the lil members in the swan lake.

pissed with the sun
bf trying to pose to show a sundial - unsuccessful!

sundial garden

cactus area

passing of knowledge in the cactus area

dont know why the bf posed like this. haha

big DOGS.

'lady on the hammock'

some plants bf went gaga over

'reach for the ball..' fruit no doubt

wood carving or was it stone...? hmms

love this pic that bf took. fat tho! haha

this is the last pic i took at SBG - with reddish eyes and exhausted face
at esplanade
St Andrew's Cathedral

okay, i think everything is over.
everyone has fed their eyes and so it will be done and concluded.

before i end,however, i must say the end of the day was dampened by the comments and thoughts of my friends on my love life.
this is something i take seriously because like the love of my life currently, my friends hold significant ranks too.

in a matter of few words, however, the bf and i had talked about this.
and like what i told that particular friend, let time spin its tale... our tale... me and shenath...

thank you for concerning this matter very heavily.
i appreciate everything you did and will do for me.

and to the boyfriend, you know what matters most right..
so im glad to have you.
so far, we're still good together...
the day was fantastic! =))

okay out!
muahs

Nostalgic Me

2007-09-08T00:48:00.000+08:00

did another day of 5-10 shift.

i swear if i had another day of that shift, id end up a murderer
it's good im still able to suppress my dislike of my aunt's 'efficient' worker

no doubt that's an overrated statement
all i see is my cousin and me working properly, that's even under rated

anyway cant expect much from those people
i dont know, maybe they tend to work harder in other things.
yeah, like lazing around and willing me to take care of everything

anyway, their actions wont ruin my mood
i need a break from being so pissed off yesterday.

i have developed a new way of suppressing dislike against a situation
yeah... i did... to those who know me well enough, yes i psycho-ed myself to feel better
at work, anywhere... but i doubt the mood swing will be suppressed.
i think my way of psycho-ing myself has mood swings as the outcome.
oh i dont know... haha it's a theory... a stupidly weird one

anyway, i do feel more lively and enlightened today
i dont know the source but i feel that i have let loose negativity today
should do more dancing...
i dont dance for leisure anymore, nor for entertainment... but i do it when i feel too tired

to the sisters, yeah i miss dancing.
i miss the times when we hold the attention of the whole school or even the public
remember the national day dinner dance? lol that was a colorful dance.
i doubt that was even dancing right? haha twas like jumping around and still getting all the attentions

then in school, i do miss the times when everyone anticipates our item
always ever ready to clap madly for us.
when the item has ended, they always praise us for the wonderful performance we ourselves find isn't at all mind-blowing!
then daily in school, everyone regarded us as 'BITCHES' exception of ben loh
ben loh, i remember has been itching to be called prince bitch!!
hilarious... it seemed only yesterday, and now, he's all grown up, bitching around almost everyone... lol

then the terrorizing we did to some poor people.
i swear i am sorry for making people cry...
but i assure that i have repented and have been karma-ed.. lol
i think ive cried a NILE within my teenagehood..
i dont think i can cry again, i dont want to... lol

thinking about secondary school, i miss the OLD CLIQUE
it saddens me to think that we dont even talk to one another anymore...
at first it broke apart due to the Azim-Shaistah-Hajar love triangle

that was the long term damage to our clique actually.
haiz... there was initially 3 girls- me, vanessa, shaistah-, 5 guys- azim,venga,kartik,kuma,salihin
of which there were automatic members like hidayah, hajar, puwarma and of course daryl...

i think i only have one pic of all the brothers together.
i remembered the night conferences we all had, the way everyone in school looked so afraid,
i remember a lot of hilarious things that had happened
especially the part when me and azim got caught in the boys toilet... lol
OKAY STOP THE DIRTY THOUGHTS.

we were all daring each other.
so then this azim wanted to take my bag and put it in the boys toilet
then apparently i didnt let it go, so i got dragged in.
then from afar, the so call Head of department, Mr Chiang, saw!
lol we were both reprimanded... but azim has to do physical punishment. lol
i didn't get anything tho... just a 'talk' with him that ended up in a screaming fiesta. lol

i didn't mean to be a rebel... i intended to be a good girl. haha
anyway of course thinking about secondary school, i felt the happiest and then the saddest
of which i refuse to go into detail
oh and i remember the enemies i made, hmms i dont know if they are enemies, but i swear they itched me the wrong way. lol

i dont think i made any OBVIOUS enemy. hmms
they didn't show me that they are my enemy... i dont know why.
even if they dont like me, they just shut up and go... oh well, i think twas cos of the clique.

haiz... i do really, really miss the clique...
i wish we could have a reunion... but not now or soon this year.
i dont wish to see some person yet. neither does that person, im sure.
it would just dampen the whole happiness and celebration
and i bet these people would wait for my PARTIES to be invited to as a way of reuniting.
basically the only reunion that can happen is most probably on my birthday party.

hmms maybe my 20th birthday? i hope so.
we shall see. but i want my big 20 celebration to be a bit smaller than my 18th.
lesser invites... hmms but i doubt it...
even the automatic invitees doubt it.
if i say that there will be a small gathering, it will explode.

yawns. let see. i want to leave nostalgia already
i miss another person too... shenath... haha
he and i had been discussing a lot of things, but i appreciate the things he do to handle my moods.
i dont know whats wrong with me lah... i get to negative sometimes..
but whatever, i think we'll be fine... =)) he's sure, so im sure...

okay ciaos!

MOOD SUCK

2007-09-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

today was ultimate crap day.

at work
myself
the boyfriend (not really)

work was damned!
i did the evening shift 5-10pm. it went on along fine no matter how busy i was
then the most irritating thing happened. which i have never experienced before...

there was a power trip within the inner circuit
which covered the power for the cash registry, coffee maker, radio, kitchen stuff
the most irritating part was that i think i was pulling off too much persuasion that it has got to me the wrong way.
i felt irritable after that.

but before that already the boyfriend was feeding to my irritable mood
it's his way today... made me feel so irritated. nvm
it's over. i dont want to think about it ready...
we've talked our way out of it... nvm

anyway, at work, we had to calculate some bills via manual method.
one table has this couple and the women was so intimidating that i myself felt afraid to tell her that her lamb couldn't be made due to the power failure.
i contemplated but i knew i had to be the one to brave that

i succeeded.
but i felt sorry for having to not get her anything to eat.
that so totally just suck! i dont know why i felt a pang of regret for her

well my duties for SUI!
- welfare

1. Welcome Party
it should be easy to plan, just that i have to think of games.
im not really that seasoned in making or implementing games
so let's see what crazy ideas i can do

knowing id just do EMPEROR but this time a lil bit more educational
to those who dont know the game of EMPEROR

there are decks of cards given out tallied to the number of participants of the game
a KING of a particular suit is delegated the position of EMPEROR.
however if poker cards are not used, there will be indication on the cards who is the EMPEROR.

so cards are evenly distributed after shuffling it.
the EMPEROR receives one or more cards to make it more challenging.
then when everyone knows their card 'value', the EMPEROR passes his/her rule
ranging from the most disgusting to the most erotic, no one is picked on choice because the cards tell their fate. haha

so whoever is picked through the calls of their card numbers, they have to perform the task passed on by the EMPEROR.
the EMPEROR can be the victim of his own rule.
If he mistakenly called out his own number, which is obviously turned away from him, he then become the victim of his own sickening rule.

okay.
enough elaboration... im confused myself. hahaha

anyway, i got to go.

the day so far

2007-09-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

in the meeting room with the rest of the SUI! members.

SUI! is a student initiated retail shop that caters to all the students of RP.
the management committee has to gather to discuss the semester start of the new 'batch'.

the meeting has ended.
we're all just mingle and talking about the shop's start.
im in the Operations Manger, and im taking care of my department's welfare.

of which i have to plan a welcome party for my department's executive.
the fixed date is on the 20th Sept.

i am also planning a day out itinerary for this saturday, all for personal leisure.
i think it might bore the boyfriend out. but no matter, he should just enjoy it. lol

okay. so SUI! is really quite interesting.
apart from the long term goal of traveling to CHINA. it has just been passed by the CEO to arrange Cruise trip by the HR. then again, i wonder if it will be arranged. lol

anyway, i will be IC for the Welcome Party for my executives.
quite hyped about it but i have to rest. shit shit shit.

then again, it's okay. i think i can manage. =))
anyway, the next entry i will totally show you some more beauties of the world.

=))

updates

2007-09-05T18:29:00.000+08:00

helloo there!

im apparently still alive.
the whole week has been giving me flu and all sorts of sickness lately.
2.09.07 was a wonderful day.
so is 4.09.07 and of course today.

it was really v tiring.
however, my day started a lil bit of a piss off.
i was supposed to have a Photojournalism workshop in school.
oh which i wasnt inform, was actually postpone!
darn it.

then at least i had an alternative plan.
hehe plan B was nice. Caught up on my sleep at the hostel free lodging
then spent time with the boyfriend.
lunch and all. all we did was eat eat eat... i watched some action-drama show.
about the killing and shooting and all... twas hawt. lol

im in a particularly good mood.
yawn! after this week, the camp is coming up.
of course maybe there would be more to that camp huh. hmmm
well after the whole camp event, i hope i can manage to slot in free days and rest days.
have to keep away from the boyfriend for a day or two though. sadly rest is a must for us
both of us been working and working, but everything is fine. =))

today. i find that i met a lot of people.
along the way home i saw this familiar looking skater - Naufal if im not wrong
then we chatted. he has been my neighbor since i was like 9 years old.
i use to hate him a lot for always teasing me.
but that was childhood stuff. so after exchanging news and stories of life, we parted as our stop has come.

then! there was this 'buddy' i saw.
he was reluctant to approach me cos he thought that Naufal was my boyfriend or whatever.
haha so when he figured that he wasn't he was like asking me and all, 'bout what am i doing tonight and all... then to those who knows, you know the rest.

so after that i bid him goodbye.

i felt that he feels so different. i was not as welcoming with him as i always did.
okay fine, he was an old lover. thats all
to the boyfriend; dont worry. and i know you're not... hehe ur still better ;P

okay so now im going to nap for awhile.
good nights.

liquor goodbye

2007-09-03T20:50:00.000+08:00

my day developed from funny to cranky.
was having some nice talks with the boyfriend and then BOOM!

it happened.
it wasn't such a big deal in the beginning, then i think it caught up on us.
it was about our drinking intakes.

there were excuses he gave to back up his situation.
of which i completely dismiss as bullshit.
of course i must say that i do feel i was little bit harsh now as i type this.

the main agreement that i had wanted and that we compromise on was...

for him; drink with his boys/brother ONCE weekly. and not whenever he has $$$

for me; drink occasionally during ladies' night and with him

then it didn't work out.
it was as if there was that barrier in between our comprehension after this initiation.
we both could not see reason.

he was kind of difficult in the beginning.
and of course i was too.

i have never really stopped my habit for anyone.
and then for him, i dont know why i felt as if i have to compromise.
he is concern about how much i have been drinking of this late.
then again, i reasoned out that this is due to the holiday, and that it dont happen on school day.

it took us quite awhile to process this solution.
took us quite a number of words and persuasive act to actually penetrate to each other the
solution.
the solution rendered a lil weight on my side of the see-saw.

why?

because as of today, 3rd September 2007.
i shall cease drinking in the sake of getting my overly-liqour-obsessed boyfriend to cut down.
i trust that he will follow suit to what he himself has agreed on.

if he dont, and ever i find that he lie to me. i guess that would show a lot of things.
you see i have undergone this situation before, pertaining drinking.

on this one night that i got drunk,
where i felt that at that point, the lover has lost to me.
it was cos of my drinking that kinda pull me and that ex apart.

well, it was the past but i must say that i felt so hurt that i couldn't do anything but to just let things be as well.
it hurts and i dont want the boyfriend to feel that same regret i felt over some stupid drinks.
i didn't give up drinking but i vowed that i will never get drunk without real supervision.
of which i know i kept that vow.

but i never vow not to drink nor even think of stop drinking.
i like drinking. not as a drunkard but as a liquor appraiser =))

this time around, however, i am willing to give that up.
im not drinking when i go to club anymore.
of which i do think i would go from that lifestyle quite eventually.
so short a time, so many changes.

to those sisters, i know your screaming "yes!" cos someone has made me stop.
go on ... enjoy all you want! =P

and then so what of him?
he's going at it Once weekly or upon MY APPROVAL.
if he do not abide, no matter how hurtful, i think ima have to brave his punishment.

i love you dear.
im glad we have talked this out and sorted them quite fine.
no matter how small the issue is, i hope you understand me.
i know you do. and im sure you know that this agreement is long term.
so dont try to be funny and pretend to dismiss this issue in the future.

with all love,
jean

p.s. to the boyfriend

CLICK ON THIS

before doing so, please check your email for my invitation.
let me know when you have done so.

k610i-mode

2007-09-03T11:29:00.000+08:00

i have so far found the phone that i so wanted - k610i-mode.
i like the features it offers. very sexy... haha
only weighs 89g.
it has all the important features of w550i that i was eying earlier in the months - of which my attention as only favored for only up till it's mega release.
then this k610i-mode has been out kinda long already.
but i still think that it's size, functions and of course cheap price has won me over.
hehe... if there's any hidden deformities in this love phone, feel free to let me know.
**still in the considering mood.

wish me luck in staying committed to this phone.
haha...

bye!

love love love

2007-09-03T00:53:00.000+08:00

there are things i saw and felt today.
something about myself and the people around me.

walked about a lot today and traveling by train was simply enjoyable.
i thought about a lot of things that has been happening.
i am think more about things that are way way different to the perspective
i used to have.

anyway, my blogders (blog readers) should not undergo constant barfing sessions
in due to my love life.
i've moved my love life stuff to another blog - of which no one should need to know

okay. i realize that my whole holiday is super booked.
well, of course my intended rest days are taken already.
some of them are still getting filled up.
i hope i wont die when school reopen...

week 1 of my school holiday's 3 weeks duration was already tiresome.

week 2 is already here!
monday = rest day
tuesday = IC collection, New line sign up - with boyfriend. hehe
wednesday = IVP reporting crew workshop and then boyfriend
thurday = SUI! meeting. MG Clique party @ Gotham Penthouse. (see poster at the bottom link)
friday = freeday
saturday = boyfriend rugby match and of course, ONE "hundred-"MONTH Anniversary
sunday = currently freeday(might be called for work)

Insomnia @ Gotham Penthouse

week 3 is worst.
not detailing it out now. but i would like to take this opportunity to present MG Clique.
MG - Monde Gusto - is holding an event @ TOWN

Carnival Extravagant - 14th Sept 2007
poster 1 | poster 2

to those blogders interested.
do let me know if you are interested.
contact me! =))

okay enough of this party business for now.
though before i come to my entry about the boyfriend, i must put here that i am currently active in my participation with SUI!
i will be part of this video that CIE - centre of innovation and enterprise (RP) - is holding.

DCEO christine has informed me about it.
well, she kinda motion it toward me.
so i find that i dont mind, so ya i took it. hehe
yey another video project for the school. remembered the first one. a lil retarded. lol

okay... now about the boyfriend...

i have told him more about the reasons as to why i cannot seem to put my whole self into our relationship initially.
to those some, i know you guys know why.
then i guess i dont think really knew why. hmms he's right with his hi5 comment on me.
im complicated. hehe
well, i must say that of all the dudes who had tried to get to me,
he is a victor.

a victor who deserve more of what i seem to be.
i feel that even i myself have to congratulate him.
but now, it's still too early to say.
if there's one thing that i have learnt with him is patience.
and the phrase "time will tell" comes to play a lot of times.

to those particular ppl who know about my old ways.
i am confident to say that i am willing to throw that away.
so instead of you people asking, "which one (of your guys)?",
you can be sure that you will only be asking me "how are you with HIM"
"having one person only makes you feel more attracted to that person" - i realize this too.
my heart conceals feelings and longings.
what he offers me is something that my heart has been longing.
i feel security with him.

i feel that security, warmth, responsibility and understanding is present in him.
about him is something that others might not see, but i see something more.
his ways of looking into things impress me.
and of course my satisfaction is quite filled.
i find im a very hard person to satisfy, no matter who might beg to differ.
those who knows me totally, will know that im a fussy smart ass.
nothing is too good or too nice for me... then there's the doubts.

slowly and steadily, im understanding the terms "not all cocks(penis) are the same".
so in whatever reason, im happy.
only time will tell if this is some mistake that i have overlooked...

for now. im loving him...
SHENATH THOMAS DIAS

WITH LOVE,
JEAN

2shenath

2007-09-01T00:48:00.000+08:00

today im too tired to post.
so im just going to say something.

the talk in the park was really nice.
we'll have that more often no doubt...
i am really starting to fall for you.
im slowly letting down my guard.
thank you for introducing me to your brother and sister-in-laws.

your nephew was super cute.
had a fun time and i ended up tired.
but when i think of the day, the smile on my face wont fade.
there is something about you that i cant shake off.
i dont know what is it and i think it will remain a mystery.

i feel that we've known each other for so long.
i am feeling we're more than a month or so.
i love the way you treat me.
i really felt good at having someone to hold on to.
i love you darling.

update soon.

too tired. ciaoz

updates.

2007-08-30T13:20:00.000+08:00

i woke up to the sound of thunder in the late late morning.

ignored it for awhile and then someone called.
she told me to tell my mother that the masseuse will be coming at 1pm.

then i realized it was my aunt so i drag myself off the bed.
such a sleepy pig i am!
so i went to the mum's room, saw Haizak (the malay spelling for the most argued name since ever - Isaac)

he was such an angel and every time i come to him, he smiles.
my presence i felt is very distinguished to him.
he didn't only smile once or twice. he smiled A LOT of times.

my exhaustion left me instantly.
it was like a boost in the system that i can only feel in that weird special way.
my brother... my dearest youngest sibling.

so seeing my lively manner, mum asked me to send off my sister.
i was goofy just now. then came the aftermath of the night.

now im too tired to even psycho myself to get off the bed.
all im able to do is to type away, listen to songs and plainly just pig around.

i must say, my room of this late has been one like a pig sty.
very very much awful to the eyes. i cannot stand it anymore.
i will have to just do the cleaning after bathing.

which goes to say that i official stink of booze, cigarettes and whichever
unwanted smell there was in the club all clinging onto my skin.
to think about it, i am showing signs of barfing...
im horrible sometimes! call myself a young lady. uggh
i think im worst than the boyfriend. hehe

anyway, last night was fun but as a whole, not very much what i expected.
*sobs* i was utterly disappointed how the night went along.
but to come to think about it, the night itself was testing my resistance.
of which i must admit here that i was so tempted.

then again, there is someone who's holding me back =)
desperate idiots who wants pussy so bad would just come around and touch you.
not even keeping to their zone of comfort.

it's a club yes, but i still believe that when the girl is not inviting anyone to her,
those dudes should keep away. dont ya'll agree?

i was tipsy but not enough to let down my guard.
then it wore off cos i feel that Laura needed me to stay sober.
she was gone - totally

in here i wont say what happened.
she was so high i dont even think she remembered what she did.
i am not into judging people, let alone my friends.

on another hand, i learnt what it means by why boyfriends dont let their girlfriends
visit those nightlife areas. unless of course the girlfriend is me...
haha okay. self praises is not allowed here for now.
i feel that i am very proud of myself, of which something i have already informed the boyfriend. lol

i hope that if he even visit the club, no matter with his brother or whoever, he keeps to himself.
look, see but no touching. that's the rule of boundary at the minimal for boyfriends.

you can trust girls but never the guys.
it sound very sexist but i must say that guys are just guys and very much human.
im not saying that all girls are good and prissy but im applying it to the majority of the wrong doers- guys. lol
gosh im sexist. no guys dont take it the wrong way.

im just saying that guys are capable of a lot of things.
especially when it comes to places where loose pussy are available.
why say this? because women has been the source of conflict in the world of man.

look at what happened to the great city of Troy.
The great emperor of rome, Julius Caesar.
the great general of rome, Anthony.

ALL SEDUCED AND RUINED BY WOMEN.

it has all been this way ever since Adam and Eve's time.
most conflict are resulted by women.
we, women are meant to be kept and treasure by one only.

being a person who cannot pass off as a saint, i admit to own wrongdoings myself.
because i wanted to test my power over certain dudes, i guess i didn't even realize that
the attention im getting are from guys who themselves are 'happily attached'

i have bad experience of being the third party before.
and i vowed never to fall under that again.
i am turning over a new leaf. actually i have been for the past months.

only now it's maximize cos someone said to me that i have him to hold on for.
and that no matter if we work out or not, only at that time we'll know.
and to you, i thank you.

well then lets get back to the updates for last night.
nothing special really.
i saw people who i know..

at CM - cheeky monkey - i saw someone who told me not to say i saw her there cos her bf doesnt know. lol hehe naughty girl...
at MOS i saw the long lost best guy sister, Jasvender...
he was still looking BIG as ever. bouncying and all.
so nice to see him after like months and months.

After some nice semi sober time at MOS we went to Gotham penthouse.
the source of Laura's 'downfall'... lol
then this i have to tell boyfriend later when we have longer time to talk.
AT GOTHAM : there were Whites and Hispanic dudes doing some performance.
and they were stripping up. showing hints of Man G-strings.

hot hot hot... noting to self : look but dont touch. hahaha
this is the way Gotham treat their ladies in the house.

it was fun all through till the ending time. twas irritatingly and horribly hilarious.
Laura was blabbering nonsense.
Jas was shaking his head.
Laura's boyfriend came down to pick her up. sounds kinda pissed...
wish them all the best...
on the phone, he told me to send her to his place and so i did.

the cabfare was major bomb! but it was expected.
good thang i have my cards. if not id have to seduce the driver to let me go. lol
okay just kidding... uggh id rather seduce the boyfriend.
hahaha

so in the midst of all the hype and the disgusting ways of clubbing.
the camwhore in me reigns strong!
so here are pictures!!!! hehe

and one video at GOTHAM. lol

On the way to Clarke Q - cab

ATTICA drinks - Cosmopolitan - i swear it did something to my system.
Cosmo did something to our system. came out of Attica a lil bonkers.

Now at CM a bit bonkers...
To MOS
Laura Ashley...
Aren't I great in photography?
Some peeps we made conversations with. took their pics and we left.
retarded pics lah. haha
okay. this is cos im tipsy. haha
The lady with the sash is having her Bachelorette Party at Gotham. haha. Happy wedding!!
then THE PATRON of tequila served us REAL tequila FREE. just to do what?
TAKE HIS PICTURE. and us drinking it. uggh talk about retardations.
wasted Laura hate tequila. but i was tipsy enough so after i sip, i didnt take anymore.

then now see what happened abt the tequila. haha.this is on purpose okay.
not lesbian when im tipsy.
this one is totally FREAKY!!!
i was too tired to open my eyes. plus the FLASH was horribly bright!
one..
two, three... wheeee!!

this is what frustration and alcohol to do me.. horrible picture ever.good photography? hehe

last but not least. the most retarded picture ever.
it's kinda obscene and if boyfriend complains, im taking it down..

THE BOYFRIEND HAS PASS HIS JUDGMENT
HE SAYS TO PUT THIS PICTURE DOWN.
&he says i look like a stripper

and so the night ended.

i hope it will be better next week.
and i hope the boyfriend can go too =))

"short"

2007-08-30T04:41:00.000+08:00

back home from clubbing.
i swear i didn't enjoy as much as i thought i will..
then again, cant blame the drunk for being nonsensical right.

so in whatever at all. i leave the updates and pictures to be posted when im
in a much better condition.

toodles.

time is...

2007-08-29T19:34:00.000+08:00

before i end my day.
i want to share somethings about today.
i feel poetic so id try to rhyme,
no matter how stupid is may really sound...

i went to school for some SUI! stock taking,
didn't know how much it cost my timing.

i felt really tired but i did enjoy the day.
but it hasn't end cos there's something abt the boyfriend.

i feel that i am falling but im still guarding it wisely.
im not into falling so fast and hurt becomes my outcome.
no no no. that shouldn't happen.

okay. im giving up the poetic shit. lol
anyhoo, as i was saying. im starting to feel more and more into this relationship.
that started as a mere game of chance.

i told everyone, even jan, that this might just end in a few weeks time.
then again, i have to admit that i am wrong.

i feel that the only time that we would really fight is cos of external affairs.
it seems as if we have nothing to fight among ourselves... yet.... i dont know

im still afraid of falling, as i have earlier told him.
we had a heart to heart talk just now.
or pillow talk... hehe okay. enough kinky hints.

i was injured just now!
the wound was like.... OH MY GOSH! haha
i dont know how to describe it. it doesnt hurt though. it's just that the wound is getting annoying. haha
have to like put those OINTMENT!!! hope is heals up v v v soon! like now!!!!

anyway, in due to the heart to heart talk, i understand more of every emotion i feel.
i have recovered eroded emotions and i feel that somehow, my happiness now is all thanks to him.

to you deary : pls dont make me happy now and give me all the love and hope only for PRESENT use. please be this way with me as long as we are together.
i can promise you that there are things that i am doing for you... of which u are not really aware of the benefits of.

i must say that in my past relationships, i have not been a good girl.
i was controlled and so i felt so trapped i couldn't stay focus on them.
and so i cheated mildly.

on daryl i cheated too, that's why when he cheated on me, i felt only a tinge of anger.
cos i know i deserved that on my part. but then again, after what happened, i vowed that it wont happen again.
and so it wont.

as long as i have something to hold on for, im focused.
and now, i have him to hold on to. and i hope he wont just give way and break into two.
to those girls, sisters, guys, closer relative who knows my ways, i know you're saying now that he is indeed a lucky guy.

but im lucky to have found someone who knows how to treat me right,
of course in annoying ways too. lol
give it a lil more time, i think i will let him know that i am really in love with him.
more time...

time is all we need to find the love we always wanted - jean

long day

2007-08-29T01:02:00.000+08:00

it was such a long day that im only ending it with today's entry.
so before i lay flat on my soft and comfy bed, i sacrifice a bit of my time now,
before i forget the entire day today. of which some i would not, of course... *winks*

so it started with the PR issues.
twas uber irritating...

reached there at 1030am, got given the queue number at 1045am.
guess what time i ended?

530pm. period.

the day tested my patience and of course the last straw, my temper.
the counters serving the PR applicants are uber slow, i swear i can do my own funeral there.

after finally getting the Entry Permit and Re-entry permit payment done,
i had to wait for the thumb prints taking at the other counters.

so like an idiotic fool i waited, no choice anyway.
apparently, being alone almost drove me crazy. i was half nuts when my darling came.
oh yeah, he came to find me... so sweet right? haha

anyhoo, i decided i might inquire as to why is the service damn fucking slow.
of course, omitting profanities i came in the politest tone they deserve.

so then there is this Minah who i must say, work there,
overhearing my inquiry, taking it to her sensitive nerve and blasted at me saying,
"Maybe you'd like to come in here and work instead..." and then she gave that shit face.

i swear i can award myself for being so composed still, being the brat that i am! hehehe
i merely reply in my i swear so polite and as a matter of fact tone -

"I will if i can you know..."

and then she turn around and left exclaiming to her colleagues that i insist they are slow in their service.
she is a Minah i tell you. and i grade her A+ for being one.

i was dumbfounded but like i said, im a brat.
so i told the counter woman, YES they FUCKING ARE. (minus he word FUCKING)
i demanded her name and...

then to the rest at the counter i exclaimed "SO IS THAT THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR PR INVITEE?"

SILENCE.
SILENCE.
SILENCE.

the head officer within the hearing range called to me and asked me to enter her room.
the room where she was explaining to me the reason for the slow service,
and on that Minah's behalf, apologizing.

of which i find isn't at all sincere.
why?

1. she was looking at my queue number sheet all through while she was talking
2.she fucking dont understand the meaning of shutting up when im the one who needs to talk.
3.she cuts me off when im explaining

i let her off cos she's old.
that's all.

but i swear that Minah is so not getting away.
okay jean... enough loathing... besides your day was happy overall right... heee

so after the whole scene.
called the mum and complained... she made some calls and then my queue number came like so fast.

then later on, aunt shidah who works there as some higher PR officer, came out to see me.
of which then the counter lady was taken aback that im connected to her.

later on after the thumb prints taking, i didnt need to wait anymore to collect my passport.
it was given to me on the spot.

plus, that counter lady took my number to recommend her daughter to my aunt ju's cafe as waitress.
and of course to whichever work connection i can recommend.
oohh i love connections. hehe

then of course not leaving out the boyfriend.
he was so sweet.

knowing i was halfway dying and rotting away at ICA.
he came with dilan at ICA. like aww... okay. enough...

i dont want my blogders to start puking due to my oh-so-sudden sweetness.
but i cant be bothered. so to ya'll: just read and shut up.

later on i followed deary to RP.
slacked at the hostel till 8pm while he went off first to report to the field for his match.

i was suppose to leave with denver. and then i didn't want to be late to see my man play his game, so i went off first.
denver came 1 and 1/2 hour later!

so i was watching the game alone.
i didn't find myself socializing with the guys and girls at the audience stand.
they were smiling and offering friendly initiation but i think i was being sucha
socialite of some sort. lol

anyway, it would look weird suddenly, so i kept to myself;
with the mental note of killing denver for making me wait and watch the match alone! lol

today was the first time i watched a real rugby match.

first impression?

NASTY!

i was the one who felt the pain, subconsciously! i was like "ouch", "shit", "fuck"
and imagine i was GODDAM alone!
i bet like they were thinking im nuts or something.

then again, i cant be bothered.
i was too engrossed. lol

Darling was like flying around. He's too fast a runner.
Couldn't keep track of him. only when the guys do the "hugging" thing.

i cant remember what that term was. uggh
never mind.
anyway, the one tackle i couldn't forget was the one when like everyone was like not running after this opponent and then all of a sudden i saw him flying on that dude.

gosh. i cannot imagine seeing him injured.
but then again, as long as im with him, he wont get that injured. hehe

okay im like semi cursing him this way.
haha... but he was like telling me about what happens when i go from him.
hehe... im not saying it here though.. he know i know, tts enough... =))

:P *sticks tongue out*

anyway, the sad part was that their team lost.
they were against a Club anyway. but it was not bad though, 17-22 i think
so means they are still of a high standards.

he was telling me that his dudes are crapped out about it.
taking it too hard or whatever...
but good that he was okay. hehe like duh he should be okay.

okay enough. im not making sense when im writing this way.

i got to go.
i have Assistant Operations Manager duty to do at the shop tomorrow.
another long day!!!

yawns.

got to go.
muahs

short entry

2007-08-28T09:40:00.000+08:00

Okay. no nightmare anymore.
i dreamed of something but i kinda forgot what it was.

doesn't matter.
am going v soon to ica to do some PR stuff.

then meet the bf.
then watch his match. go rugger!

okay. good day.
it's another long day for me...

muahs

voice from the heart

2007-08-27T23:44:00.000+08:00

so everyone say there is difference.
it really isnt at all surprising anyway.

i feel more light-hearted in this relationship.
which is at this time is a little bit overrated.

some are a little bit weird out that im like officially attached,
no more games, no more flings, no more serial dating, no more 8-in-1 time.

some dudes are still digesting it.
some are not even into comprehending that im attached.

as it may seem obvious, im not the only one who finds this irritating.
he too experienced this, the moment he put our couple pictures at his site,
those ex girls and flings either came to chastise him or to just vanish into thin air.

but then i came to full reasoning and i came up with this;
"i guess everyone is saying we're better off with others... then again, only we will know..."

when we came into union, life killed two 'flingers'/ players, with one stone.
i dont know. it seems still overrated...
i find myself paranoid. im reacting this way because im afraid of getting hurt again you see.

after daryl, i didnt know if i could really settle with one.
then came all those 'juggling' period. tiring... but of course enjoyable...

then the crush period came and it didnt know me and him will land like this.
wondering again, how we will end, as i always do with my boyfriends.
although i dont really look into the end of this one.

at least not yet.
for now... im still a happy soul.

i hope he'll know how to treat me right all through and not just these honeymoon period
whatsoever.
it's saddening how couples forget their standards of treating each other.
fights after fights, the love is just lost and nothing but hate and guilt is left.
sorry is not even allowed or powerful to regain anything.

but i feel there is something more.
i also fear that there will be that something that might ruin us.

ive never been really wrong in seeing or predicting the near future.
but im leaving that aside for now.
see how things go right.

to those who are not satisfied that im with him now.
those idiots who feels piss that im with someone now and they are the ones who
wanted me and didnt even initiate anything to have me, too bad.

and to those girls he had once been with, i dont know how he defends me
but i hope it is enough to keep them away.
that's all...

nights

update today

2007-08-27T17:10:00.000+08:00

seems like there is nothing to say today.
i did part my chores

1.banking stuff
2.bill payments
3.medical canceled for trip to ICA

then again, it wasnt done and so was my bag shopping.
it was another unsuccessful attempt to retail therapy.

i was not moved at all by adidas, zinc or whatever.
it just didnt feel good like the way it should.

anyway, it doesnt matter.
i'll just do it tmr or even later.

in mind i have imprint this rattan bag that comes in hot pink and hot purple.
with flowers and ribbons attached to its handle.
v feminine and it comes in many different designs and sizes.
also, it cost v v little =))

cost opportunity = budget = thrift = cheapskate = whatever

maybe i will just get another item. i hope there is that annual discount whatever.
i swear im becoming more singaporean - discount hunting is so not me.

okay well, i am half certain of getting that.
i am confident that roz will get me the bag of my dreams when he's back from his trip.
i have of course detailed out what i wanted and in which color.
arent i a great gift recipient? =))

okay. i found out something abt mum's acc.. i was shocked at what i found out.
her passbook says it all. gotta ask her about it like v v v soon.

im v sleepy.
i have to wake up early tomorrow again.
ica business again.

oh bf's ex girlfriend is neat picking on me.
telling him this and that.
sisters, are you ready? we might have a girl fight.
hahaha nah, cant be bothered.
plus, i got the man to handle it. thanks for defending me darling. loves..

yours truly.

stupid paranoia

2007-08-27T08:32:00.001+08:00

like what the fuck.
i think the whole paranoia of some stupid sort has subconsciously entered the sand my sandman has blew on me.
i feel so irritated having to force awake in due of that dream, no no it was nightmare!
shithead!

the nightmare however, made me feel more aware that i did feel a tinge of anger but not jealousy.
uggh i think i can count how many times ive been jealous in a relationship.
i dont know if im that heartless or emotionless. but i can only remember ONCE that i felt jealous and irritated at the same time. those closer to me, you all should know which one...

well i think my feelings is developing. i think this is the way it is trying to show me.
kinda happy the boyfriend is very understanding about this.
he's very patience in terms of a LOT of things... =))
okay. i have to go.

due today:
1. medical check up
2. banking stuff
3. bills payment
4. bag shopping
5. meet roz

of course... im doing 1-4 alone.
love shopping alone actually, only when im in the mood then will go with sisters. =))

yawwnns. another long day...
bye

songs

2007-08-27T00:31:00.000+08:00

Even the nights are better
By Air Supply

I, I was the lonely one
Wondering what went wrong, why love had gone
And left me lonely
I, I was so confused, feeling like I'd just been used
Then you came to me and my loneliness left me

I used to think I was tied to a heartache
That was the heartbreak, but now that I've found you

Even the nights are better
Now that we're here together
Even the nights are better
Since I found you, oh
Even the days are brighter
When someone you love's beside ya
Even the nights are better
Since I found you

You, you knew just what to do
'Cause you had been lonely too
And you showed me how
To ease the pain and
You did more than mend a broken heart
'Cause now you've made a fire start
And I, I can see that you feel the same way

I never dreamed there'd be someone to hold me
Until you told me and now that I've found you
Even the nights are better
Now that we're here together
Even the nights are better
Since I found you, oh
Even the days are brighter
When someone you love's beside ya
Even the nights are better
Since I found you

I never dreamed there'd be someone to hold me
Until you told me and now that I've found you

Even the nights are better
Now that we're here together
Even the nights are better
Since I found you, oh
Even the days are brighter
When someone you love's beside ya
Even the nights are better
Since i found you

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
Lucky Dube

I' ve got to take a little time
A little time to think things over
I' d better read between the lines
In case I need it when I' m older

This big mountain I must climb
Ohh feels like the world upon my shoulders
Through the crowds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life, there's been heartache and pain
I don' t know, if I can face it again
I can' t stop now
I' ve travelled so far
To change this lonely life

Chorus:
I want to know what love is
i know you can show me
I want to feel what love is
i know you can show me

I' m going to take a little time
A little time to look around me
I' ve got nowhere left to hide
It looks like reggae has finally found me

In my life, there's been heartache and pain
I don' t know, if I can face it again
Can' t stop now
I' ve travelled so far
To change this lonely life

Chorus:
I want to know what love is
i know you can show me
I want to feel what love is


i know you can show me

updates is on soon!

uggh

2007-08-25T03:14:00.000+08:00

my dick is hard and i need ur pussy... like wtf
everything at camp was soo retardedly sexually today...
basically everything that comes out from everyone today was related to sex!
from today's afternoon nap and all those camp activities, Gail Finance was totally retarded.
okayy. more updates... goodnight.

And shen and i...
im still evaluating the situation... i sense sincerity but i think the problem lies within me.
im in conflict... but he's not rushing me... he himself have told me things.
and i think it is time that i treat him better this time around.

he's treats me really great and all those... there is more to him than meets the eyes of everyone. but slowly i am seeing it.. slowly...

things i like about the boyfriend.
1. he fills up the gaps in my emotions that seems to have eroded even tho it takes a slower time
2.the way he look at me
3.the way he kisses me on the forehead
4.the way that he could awaken my emotion that has been long dormant
5.the way he tries and never give up so fast
6.he just seem to be someone there...

i still have to settle things with myself

whatever 3

2007-08-24T09:52:00.000+08:00

talk sweet and assure your boyfriend that you wont do stupid truth or dare shit when he's drunk, and i swear you'll get nuts in the end.
he wasnt that much drunk when i had to move to another place to play the "EMPEROR" game - truth or dare... when the Emperor tells the dare and he/she select the person to do it thru the selection of their poker cards they have earlier selected.
the last game, i was almost asked to french a guy. OMFG
then i screamed "NO,IM ATTACHED" and then i said, if i aint i'd be glad to do it.
hehe the dude isn't bad either... lol wtf

okay. anyway, so ya. i dont know what the hell happened.
half an hour later he was soooo fucking knocked out - fucking must have drank more sia that idiot. nvm... sausage party... ugghs...
then i swear later he's going to get the hell outa me... lol

his msn personal message will change from.... "she will be loved..... by me" to "she will be my murderer" ahaha
i dont know... whatever.

good day. gotta run. camp gathering now. ciaos

Almost conflicts...

2007-08-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

i thought i would have the first conflict with him today.
i was utterly in shock and disbelief at how he seemed to me just now.
i thought that it was just he way he was. then again, it's lucky he did realize it was a little way off. good thing he apologized.
anyway, today was really retarded, and it's good that my dearie lives in the hostel,
easy to put things and leave things that i dont need for the moment in my 3 day stay in school.
plus, his friends are really fun, 'cept for that one Tamil Sri Lankan who seemed to dislike me - then again, "he's an outcast" from their clique.
well, dilan and denver are still the only ones that i openly socialize with... ooo and Charith also.

our conflict : Booze
he has been telling me to quit drinking.
well, i havent drank for like ages and jan's present for me is Vodka Raspberri - the big one.
okayy. well, after like telling him that im serious about keeping that booze, he let it go.
then later on he kinda apologize for being a little cranky today.
i haven't detail out what actually happened, the sisters know it and so does the other closer friends.
well, anyway... it dont matter right. as long as ive settled that complications that seems to arise.
okay. i have to run now. need to report to the agora for the start of the SUI! camp.

ciaos. fill ya in tonight again.

kisses to the boyfriend, the friends and the SISTERS...

Let me show you

2007-08-21T13:56:00.000+08:00

before i head on to the other pictures..
let me show you my BROTHER ISAAC...

then...

it's me and shen....
we are by the end of today, if things go well, will be official.
i dont know why im feeling scared, but i think that it's a good way to have a new beginning.
official relationships are something that explode like a C4 to all those around us.
today, he told me that he was interviewed by his own teacher about me.
what's my name, where i live, this and that...
his own class knows me by name and of course with the help of yandao.com, i believe that they already have researched my class.

well, it dont really matter who knows, i cant be bothered too.
as long as no one stalk me home or something... lol

anyhoo, here are some of those pictures we took yesterday!

so introducing... SHENATH THOMAS DIAS

whatever part 2

2007-08-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

i havent slept properly since the induced labour my mother has experienced.
as i have earlier proclaimed, i have a new baby brother.
he looks like my dad, his eyes however, has a tinge of Bautista in them.

i am currently tapping into others internet.
my internet is down =( kinda cause a contact barrier b/w me and shen but im still able to find devices to get through to him. phew.. im sucha good girlfriend right?
haha and jan, stop protesting that im still not his girlfriend.
im his "woman"... (i would so prefer to be called his lady)
haha... whatever...
yesterday, we were smsing about how fast it seems that we got together and how long it felt that we knew each other.
then i forgot to recount that part when i told him that maybe at the end of the year i might have to fly to the phil to do some stuff-cum-vacation...
then he pops that question. then i asked him, so it means that it's exclusive that we are seeing each other?
then he on the other hand seem to get it wrong and say that i want to see some other people. lol what the hell.
it doesnt mater. i know that if we really end up as in OFFICIALLY TO THE WORLD together, then things will materialise.
then again, im afraid that i might get dump for doing some stupid mistake and im afraid id back out in the last minute, or he might do some stupid mistake and get dumped by me.
either ways still seem quite possible right?
uggh i dont know.
well, i better get back now.
i didnt bring my hp and i know he has already finished work.
he's bound to sms me 20 mins ago and im still here typing away.
going going gone!
poof!

MOMENT OF JOY

2007-08-18T01:41:00.000+08:00

AT APPROXIMATELY 1.25am TO 1.30am, on 18th August 2007 (1887)

ISAAC MUHAMMAD BAUTISTA BIN HASSAN
has come into the world!!!!!!!!!

I AM OFFICIALLY THE ELDEST OF THREE!!!
i will be posting his picture v v v v v soon!!!!!

major much

2007-08-18T00:12:00.001+08:00

MAJOR NEWS TO ALL.

MY MUM IS CURRENTLY IN THE DELIVERY SUITE!

means that she's going to be delivering! yayness! a baby brother!
anyway, im with my sister now. she didnt want to go home.
she's all hyped up about our brother on the way that she was sooo insistent that she stays.
today, i turned down two invites to nightlife.
sadness but my family needs me now - MORE.

okay. to the sisters who are so coming down tomorrow, please dont go nuts seeing my brother k. give him peace! haha
well, whatever the case, thank you for giving these family-like support.
like awww....

anyway, before coming down here - KKH women tower - i was with my rugger.
yey, haha i got a new term for him.
he went to pasir ris today, met me at whitesands and yeah had an ice cream with him.
plus, we talked quite a lot.
and guess what? we just realize that we only got to hook up last thurday - national day - and yet it was as if we already knew each other since GOD knows when.
it is really very surprising.

but yesterday, that rugger has a mood.
i was sooo tensed yesterday as to why he was pissed with me.
in the end, it was settled. i realise that he want 2 knw wher his woman is..he dnt like 2 c me randomly sumwher...
when my eyes saw, "my woman", my eyes narrowed. surprising.
then he was saying that i was in school too late already. and that he was worried that id reach home too late.
i was like "sorry, i didnt think it would matter. i guess i underestimated your concern"
then he called me straight away. gosh.

this ways of communications just keeps making us closer and closer.
what if i really fell for him? id be damned! i think??? ugghh im still staying off the deep.
=)) i love to stay in the shallow too long. oh well, i still need to know him more...

okay. my sister is bugging me to do her blog.
see ya ard soon.

AND YAY, IM GOING TO BE THE ELDEST SISTER AGAIN!!!
=))

Whatever

2007-08-15T15:37:00.000+08:00

So much for doing an RJ on "what would you do if you dont have INTERNET ACCESS on a weekday"

it's as if it has happened or like im being punked and whatever nonsensical stuff i can really think about.
i can stand not doing RJ in the day, knowing that today's Module Facilitator is reasonable enough to accept my would-be reason for not doing today's RJ.

but the agitation gets irritating when i am in the rush to check something, chat with someone (regarding the event tomorrow) and basically just talk to the peeps online.
it gets more irritating because the event needs me to do emcee-ing.
this is really going to go so 'unprepared' or what you call, semi-impromptu.
i have to always put into mind what Gareth said about emcee-ing.
FIRST IMPRESSION COUNTS.

it fascinate me though how i get to be chosen by the Salsa Team to do for them this event.
i so totally know that this is going to a good/rude awakening or say, eye opening, for emceeing.

three fears
1. i talk nonsense
2. i get thrown eggs by audience
and the worst...
3. i dont attraction attention enough!

the salsa team will kill me. okayy whatever it is,
note to self : DO YOUR BEST

Let me recount today...
Came to school late on purpose. Went to the coffeeshop to meet ABC with a guess, Meerza, and of course, Jan - the all thim V.I.P guest in ABC.
today is Yihao's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

my gift was a little bit retarded but i hope he likes it.
it was so coincidental that Vanessa did something like mine too.
But of course, it was more especial and romantic for her BF =))
we had chocolate 'emicakes' cake. superb...
anyway, it was a little bit retarded in school too.

jan rick mascarina brought me Absolute vodka Pear in a tuperware water bottle.
it was really HARD but at the same time it make my senses go sensitive.
my throat was burning cold. it was exhilirating!
so i drank most of the gulps during class and breaks.
up till Shen knew what it was. he request for me to give him the majority.
he drank it instead, and apparently dragging that 1.75/3 amount of vodka made him a bit retarded. lol

after school he reported what happened in class.
imagine he was making fun of me being a little tipsy all and he himself scolded the teacher "chee bye" just because she dont let him go for some rugby meeting. she eventually let him go, if not, id be waiting like one mad woman for him just now.

it was a real experience drinking during school hours.
i swear i did it not to do anything like toughening up or some sort.
i just wanted to try it. im leaving my teenhood in like 1 year and xx days.
okay, well today was a little bit more fun than usual.
but i bet tomorrow will be much much more! =))

Shen was saying that i can do it, just show my ass or whatever.
then when i said okay, id wear micro skirt and show off. hahaha, he ask me to wear LONG skirt, or denim. haha
majority of my denims are in the laundry! haha
whatever...

oh and before i forget the worst of the day.
i was so tensed for a few long minutes.
I LOST MY WALLET.
i only realize it after some time in the late afternoon, when i was walking to causeway to meet ABC.
so i went to my classroom and RPC and thank GOD that it was reported by someone.
I LOST THE WALLET AT BUS 169 IN THE MORNING.

bless that person who returned it, untampered.
my mum-permitted-platinum mastercard is in there!!! id just die.
Shen was really sweet today... gave me moral support. hahaha
Uggh he's always sweet. He's like too good to be true...
I dont know if i deserve someone so sweet.
I hope he's for real though... i have to stick and find out right?
then again, the problem is that, what if i happen to really develop real fondness of him? but then we seem as if we're not working out, or so he decided to dump me for whatever reasons guys can surprisingly come up with, how then?
im so going to get crushed again.
somehow i dont know if i should dive in deeper.
it's safer to be on the guard ALWAYS.
but being on the safe side means that i have to let go of the nice things that GOD has given me.

then again, when the time come..
1. i end up really liking him
2. he dumps me
*whichever comes faster, then and there i have to be spontaneous right? whatever it be, i did have fun and been treated really nice by someone i am attracted to.

okay. i have to run now.
UT tomorrow!
ima hve to post this tomorrow.